Hello everyone, I'd appreciate a bit of insight and I suppose a virtual hug 
I was diagnosed with rectal cancer in September of last year, received chemoradiotherapy and had lots of scans and cameras, then last month was told I'd had a complete clinical response to the RT, the tumour was gone and I no longer needed surgery. This of course was amazing news and a tremendous relief to me and my family and friends, but I find I'm very up and down emotionally still, perhaps even more than when I was receiving treatment. Some days it feels like every little thing is a battle and I can't stand anything that is difficult or gets in the way of what I'm trying to do or interrupts when I'm trying to rest my mind. For example, I've cried four times already today - because the dog tried to steal my socks and when he barks at the cat and when he constantly pulls when I walk him. The constant physical discomfort of this is unbearable. Some days I feel really trapped by him. When I'm trying to cook and my son creeps up on me and pokes me. I frequently feel just overwhelmed for no reason. Why do I feel such a mess when I've had such a great outcome?
I have been on my rollercoaster for over 25 years now….. now 9.5 years since my last treatment and in what I call the ‘final third of the journey’…… but this part can be as hard as the first 2 two thirds put together.
The first third is everything to do with getting a diagnosis and the stress and anxiety getting to the point of treatment. The middle third is the treatment, yes it’s hard work but you go through this along with the ‘safety blanket’ of regular contact with your clinical teams as well as being in a routine……… then bang……. you are into the ‘post treatment’ world and most people are not ready for this…….. and the NHS System tends not to have the money, time and staff to get this part right.
During the first two thirds our bodies go through so much and once we finish treatment it like ‘let’s get some normality’ back.
The initial burst of enthusiasm often tends to quickly lead to a dip as our bodies can only take so much before it’s starts to complain and then our minds and go into overdrive and we can end up going down a rabbit trail…… and it can be hard to dig ourselves out.
You may find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper….
After Treatment Finishes - Then What?
by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.
Talking to people ‘face to face’ can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.
I worked through my first 12 years on a full teaching timetable…… I did have to fight my corner with both my line manager and HR to ‘be normal’…….. but common ground was found.
