Feeling unsupported and a burden

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I have breast cancer, recently having had a mastectomy. A couple of days ago my emotions have gone mad, i feel low, crying, angry, said a few nasty things to my partner. I just feel out of control with emotional distress. My partner isnt helping by asking is me being upset my new normal and to act my age. I dont feel he listens even though i try and talk to him. Today he said he doesnt love me, i can make my own way to my hospital appointment even though i cant drive and i dont feel i have a support network. Im struggling badly with body image which has triggered historical ptsd. I dont know what to do and need some support. 

I have had to struggle washing myself, as he wouldnt help. He hasnt made me anything to eat but got his own. I feel abandoned at my most vulnerable 

  • Hi Jellyfish20,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. It's normal to feel a range of emotions after what you've been through, and it must be even more difficult when you're not getting the support you need at home. Have you tried to contact your BC nurse for advice? I hope you can get some support soon. Do you have a neighbour or someone near you who can take you to appointments? I hope things get better soon x

  • Hi thank you for taking the time to reply. I have an appointment tomorrow with the breast care unit. I hope i can make it, it has just hit me like a tonne of bricks and im struggling. X

  • Hi  so sorry to hear about the time you are having.

    Talking with others who have navigated the same journey may help you a lot so can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Breast Cancer support group. This will be a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.

    To connect in with the group please click on the link belowPoint down

    Breast cancer

    …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

    When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hi Jelly Fish, 

    This is a difficult time for you and understabley having a mastectomy and coming to terms with your diagnosis and how you now feel about your body. It will take time unfortunately. Everyone is different how they cope with this. 

    I had a mastectomy when I was 32. I've had reconstruction and also had a tattoo to help with the psychogical  look. It also help me to keep positive and turn a negative situation into a positive.  

    If you have friends family or neighbours to support you let thek help you in the meantime.

    Maybe your partner is struggling as well with your diagnosis and treatment. Your both suffering. See if you can talk to your partner if not make sure you get some support. Your breast cancer nurse should be able to direct you. 

    Maybe contact MIND or another support chairty

  • Hi jellyfish

    i came on here tonight to see if anyone else is in this situation and your situation sounds similar to mine. It has blown up in my house tonight as mine hasn’t been to a single appt with me, or even discussed any of it in any great detail so just want to say

    U r not alone

    i will be your support!

  • Oh bless your heart, thank you for replying. I hope that you are safe first and foremost. Sending you biggest cuddles, as you sound like you also are having a hard time.. Im here for you too lovely.. We got this!! Xx

  • I’m not doing too bad most days but today is a real horror of a day! cancer changes everyone and everything around you and I have to say I don’t feel supported either. One thing I will be doing is building a bigger better support network for sure! I moved out of London to live with my partner and we are quite isolated now so I have to change that for the better. I was literally thinking the other day thank god I don’t have anything else major going on at the same time as cancer then bang… he’s been messaging and flirting with other women! He must need support jellyfish! 

  • Like you ? My husband(huh) of nearly 50 years has totally ignored me since i found out  i had lung cancef. I had endometrial cancer 2 years ago and he didnt go to any meetings treatments or even take me to them. I have surgery planned for 10 days time and quite honestly i dont care if i survive it or not. Wrong i know but i havent washed or dressed for 5 days and just pull my quilt up and hide.i can even look at him and now we both avoid even being in the same room if im upstairs he is downstairs. So very sorry for ranting on but...

    • So sorry Pensive reading all the posts it seems this does happen with some partners and seems to be their way of coping or not coping.  My only advice is focus on yourself as much as possible some days this works me other days it doesn’t I do feel I’d cope better living alone and that’s something ive told him I will pick this up when I’m finished with relentless hospital appointments keep putting one foot in front of the other and find that huge inner boost of strength!