Just reaching out for support from others

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Hey, 

I was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in January 2024 at the ages of 32. It has also spread to my liver. So I have just started to chemotherapy to treat the liver lesions. As I had surgery on my bowel to remove the cancer from there

I’m just reaching out for some support and advice. I am noticing that I am a lot more angry and frustrated at the world around me. Losing my temper a lot. (Shouting at my wife) when I feel like I’m not being listened to or heard. I just feel like everyday is a struggle and no matter how much support my wife, family and friends are offering I just push them away as I feel like they don’t get it or what’s going on in my head right now. 

I just don’t know what to do or how to feel right now.

Any support, advice or even reassurance would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks 

E

  • Hi  navigating the cancer journey can be such a stressful and challenging time but getting support from people who have walked the ‘exact same' cancer journey can help a lot. (I have a completely different cancer).

    Can I recommend you join and post in our dedicated Bowel Cancer support group. This will be a safe place to talk to others with a similar diagnosis, treatment experience, to ask questions and get support.

    To connect in with the group click on this link Point down

    Bowel (colon and rectum) cancer

    …… then once the group page opens click in the [Black - Click to Join - Banner] that appears at the bottom of the page and this will then confirm that you have joined the group.

    When you are ready……. you can introduce yourself by putting up your very own post by clicking [+ Create new post] or [ + ] in the top right of the group page.

    You can copy and paste the text from this post into your new post.

    You may find it helpful to call the Macmillan Support Line open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support, benefits/financial guidance or just a listening ear. We also have our Ask an Expert section but do allow 3 working days for a reply.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and give support to all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help navigating the community.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • I was on a forum last year where we discussed PTSD and apparently lots of cancer patients have this and one of the clear symptoms is irritability and anger so you are not alone and it is a perfectly normal response to the diagnosis of cancer and all that entails. It might be helpful to write your feelings down. Use as much bad language as you want to get it out of your system. I write in pencil and then write over the top so no one can ever read it. It’s amazing how helpful that can be!

  • Hi  

    I'm sorry to read that you have been feeling irritable and short tempered. The points that you make about other people not 'getting it' is often said in a certain group. I've linked it below.

     Living with incurable cancer forum - patients only 

    The group is friendly and supportive and we 'get it' because we are all in the same situation. All different types of cancer but all incurable.

    There is also  The Room if you need to get some anger out and get things off your chest. It's understandable to feel frustrated as cancer has come into your life unexpectedly and no doubt, taken certain things away.

    Best regards 

    A x

    What is a Community Champion?

    I am a Macmillan volunteer. 

    Macmillan Support Helpline

    0808 808 00 00 

    7 days a week between 8am -8pm

  • It sounds like you are scared. No one can be in our head or body, no one can experience the highs and lows like we do. What you are going through, to me, sounds perfectly normal. It is great you are recognising you are pushing them away, because now you can recognise how this is going to make them feel.  Yes, cancer is big, cancer is utterly, stinkingly, horrible, and it is also frightening for our loved ones. My tolerance is at an all time low, regarding everything.  I hardly see shades, it's more black and white and I dispense my own justice in a curse filled rant. I have lashed out, cried, had to go back and apologise a good few times.  It is a pretty poor hand we have been dealt, and it can be hard for others to understand.  All the terminology, the treatments, the pills, it can be mind boggling.  You are not alone in how you are feeling, and personally, I would like the others suggested, stick your head into some of the other forums and that'll just go to show I am right.

  • Hi. 
    My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer, like you spread to the liver. 
    It was/is devastating . 
    I feel like although my friends and family are there, they dont get it, because it isnt them. 
    I found someone in the same situation/diagnosis to talk to and it helped massively, as i feel like they fully get it. 
    Ive just read you are just starting chemotherapy, i hope it goes well for you. My dad is just on his second round. 

    Hope things get easier for you

  • Hi. The very word, " Cancer" has us frightened. My husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in December 2023. After a few consultations, MRI scans and a turbt, it was deemed invasive. 4 weeks ago he had a bladder, lymph node, prostate removal along with one kidney removal. After 5 days in hospital, he returned home. He's fine now. Up and about. Light walks around the garden. He has a stoma and is coping fine. Initially, we were terrified. Sleepless nights and many tears. But reading about  his type of cancer helped. We gathered as much information as possible. We talked to nurses and consultants. Yes it's scary. And yes, we thought about the worst case scenario. But there's also a best case scenario. Please don't feel that you're alone. This site is wonderful. Many others going through the diagnosis are helpful. If you have any questions, ask them. There's always someone who can reply and help you. 

  • Hi mate , also feeling like you right now 37 pregnant wife and awaiting my death sentence tomorrow. I haven’t even officially been diagnosed yet but I have a massive mass on my kidney and I looked on my nhs ap and know that it’s spread to multiple locations. My original hope of it being isolated and a kidney removal will heal me has gone . I feel so angry at the world . My wife can’t stop crying and I feel useless I’m well enough to work right now but I don’t no if I can bring myself to it even though we need the money . I hope you have as good a day as can be 

  • Hello Kyle8 , my heart goes out to you, and wishing you some comfort. I hope your news tomorrow isnt as you fear , and you are given a good treatment plan going forward. Take care of yourself 

    Much love Angela x

  • Thanks Angela . I do feel that it’s doom impending I just hope I have a few more years to live for my unborn daughters sake . Thanks for reaching out it means a lot x

  • Hi Kyle8.... I've been reading your posts and have been thinking about you today. Please let us know how your appointment went, when you feel able. There's a whole army of us praying for you and sending love and strength to you and your family. x