Dilemma

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Christmas is always a tricky time for me due to non cancer stuff, but I feel darker than ever this year, I just keep questioning if I should have just let the cancer do it's thing as the "being incapacitated" after the hysterectomy has hammered home how much I cannot tolerate feeling like a burden and waiting on the results from the Lynch Syndrome test  has just left me believing that this will not be the end of my cancer journey and I don't have the strength of motivation that I need anymore. I have been given 4 sessions with the clinical psychologist through the psycho-oncology team, but they are so spread out between 16 Jan until mid March that I think it could do me more harm than good due to the space in between sessions, so I am.wondering if I should cancel ....but then I am worried of losing the energy to keep the mask on.

  • Hi  

    I'm sorry to read of your hysterectomy for womb cancer. I hope you are resting and recuperating but making sure you intersperse it with little wanders at home. I am sure nobody thinks you are a burden. I know it is worrying waiting for results but you have not had these yet and the odds are 50/50. You mention that you feel darker than ever and are not motivated. Do you think that you could be feeling depressed? Have you had these symptoms before? It may be worth having a chat with your GP. I definitely don't think that you should cancel the psychology sessions. I had 2 courses of counselling, one course was telephone appointments and the other was at a local hospital psychiatry department. I only needed 3 appointments and the psychologist was excellent. The space between appointments may be for you to work through yourself to find your answers. Have you tried journalling? There are books you can buy with prompt questions. I have found some peace by reading about cancer and writing, finding my own answers. I would urge you to see your GP and open up to your loved ones about the way you are feeling. There is no need to keep your feelings masked. In my case it did more harm than good. I hope you are feeling better soon.

    A x

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  • I had my hysterectomy back in October, so I am no longer incapacitated from that, I am back at some of  the gym classes (the low impact ones) it is more what that period has triggered for me. The Lynch Syndrome testing has been done based on the results of the post hysterectomy histology (so the odds are looking likely that I have it). There is depression and a wider CPTSD which this brush with Cancer has triggered and I have tried therapy for several periods and was getting somewhere just before the cancer diagnosis but the medical investigation that led to the diagnosis totally triggered me and I have been trying to manage ever since. I used to journal quite a lot, but it feels too dangerous right now to allow myself to connect.

    Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you taking that time. 

  • Hello B74, I was where you are last Christmas, i had been told MY cancer was terminal 6 months earlier and was waiting for results, as the hormone therapy didn't seem to be working and had an operation and radiotherapy to start soon, and thought to myself, is it worth it, would i get more time and would the side effects outweigh any gain. I put these questions to one of my macmillan nurses and she arranged for me to see a counsellor. B74 it was the best decision i made all year, she helped me so much, and sure it was tough at times physically but mentally i am comfortable with my condition and making the most of my time, there are bumps in the road, and i still see my counsellor but less often, B74 please see your psychologist. take care, Eddie

  • I'm glad the counselling helped. I am Thinking thinking about getting in contact with the therapist I was working with before this all happened and just finding the money as I know from past experience that I won't feel safe opening up if I know there are going to be big gaps between appointments.

    Thank you for your reply, this feels like a very lonely place at times 

  • Hi B74, there is a cancer charity called  Maggies who provide counselling, support  and a lot more. You can just drop in, no appointment needed and everything is free even the cuppa, many on the forum including me swear by them. If you type www.maggies.org you will hopefully have one near you, take care, Eddie

  • Thank you, I have looked but there are none any near me (I am in Devon)

  • Sorry to hear that B74, have heard at the Royal Devon and Exeter hospital is the Force cancer charity maybe worth a call, or the Macmillan support centre at Derriford hospital in Plymouth, take care Eddie

  • Thank you, I did contact the force charity (although its nearly an hour away) my local hospital offer a listening service but they suggested I was a little beyond their support. 

  • Hi B74, i have been turned down twice for cancer rehab exercise studies because my cancer is terminal, not a nice feeling, I have been told Macmillan are working with BUPA to provide free counselling sessions, i think it is 6 sessions, take care, Eddie

  • Macmillan have indeed teamed up with BUPA to offer up to 6 free counselling sessions for people struggling emotionally because they are living with cancer. Clicking on the link will give you more information about this.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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