Christmas is always a tricky time for me due to non cancer stuff, but I feel darker than ever this year, I just keep questioning if I should have just let the cancer do it's thing as the "being incapacitated" after the hysterectomy has hammered home how much I cannot tolerate feeling like a burden and waiting on the results from the Lynch Syndrome test has just left me believing that this will not be the end of my cancer journey and I don't have the strength of motivation that I need anymore. I have been given 4 sessions with the clinical psychologist through the psycho-oncology team, but they are so spread out between 16 Jan until mid March that I think it could do me more harm than good due to the space in between sessions, so I am.wondering if I should cancel ....but then I am worried of losing the energy to keep the mask on.
Thank you, unfortunately they only offer telephone or video counselling and two of my triggers are phones and being photographed or video calls ...
. I know I am.impossible
Hi B74
I’m so sorry you feel that you would be unable to access the Bupa counselling sessions. I had 6 of these by phone, and they were on a weekly basis so there were no long gaps between sessions. They also began very quickly after I was referred to have them. For me, I couldn’t have done them by video call-I suffer from anxiety and ptsd, so for me the more anonymous it was, the better. I also need to know exactly when things are going to happen, and my weekly call was extremely reliable. I had a very good counsellor who helped me hugely and took me out of the dark place I was in, even though I was in tears on every call.
I know you’ve said you are unable to do this, but I just wanted to say what a positive and helpful experience it was for me personally. I’m not sure what I would have done without it.
I really hope that you can find something which will suit you and can help you as much as I was helped.
Sarah xx
This is all a very difficult thing I found…acknowledging needing help and then plucking up the courage to ask for it in my case. I thought I was fine, coping, everything would be ok in time. I did what I always did and put things in boxes in my head and pretended I was ok. I put on a smile and a cheery voice, always told everyone I was doing great, but I wasn’t. I was scared and felt very alone, but was brought up never to admit weakness so I felt ashamed about not coping.
My original cancer diagnosis came not long after a horrendous time in my life due to family circumstances and within 18 months of my diagnosis, I’d had a massive and life changing surgery and my world changed. I hadn’t processed all of these things properly, I understand that now, and hoped I could shut it all away. All the time I was sliding deeper and deeper into a hole I just couldn’t get out of by myself.
I just wanted to say that I feel for you, and I hope I can empathise at least with some of your pain.
Sarah xx
I would say it’s a constant challenge of which I’m very mindful nowadays, and I expect it always will be. This time of year is always a difficult one for me, but things are generally much better thank you.
Sarah xx
