Unsupported husband

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I was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in January, I've been on chemo since March and am doing well. I feel I have made peace with this and am living each day trying to be positive and happy. My husband is not coping and he is taking it out on me. He uses every opportunity to be out if he can, if we have plans but his friends phone he will prioritize them and he is so angry every day he speaks to me so nastily. He then gets guilty and tries to be nice but it seems to me he's made my illness all about him. When we've talked it's all about his feelings and how he needs to do things (away from me) for his own mental health. I do get this but there isn't any room for my feelings or what makes me feel better. I sometimes think why am I fighting this cancer just to argue and feel like a burden every day. It's exhausting, I just want peace and a little happiness in the time I've got left.

MissP6 20 days ago

Hi Chantress,

I'm so glad you're doing well on your chemo but what a shock, you've been through so much with your diagnosis. I'm really feeling for you and felt sad so just wanted to reply. Is there anyone who is supporting you? Who you can talk to about your feelings?

This sounds so difficult for you and I was wondering what your husband was like before your diagnosis, was he more supportive then and did he consider your feelings before? If he did, and he's just started to behave like this, he's not coping but I don't know what to suggest, maybe try to write him a letter to explain how you're feeling so he will have time to read it quietly on his own and think about how his behaviour is making you feel without getting into an argument.

Maybe he needs some help to work out how's he is feeling with this, he may be scared he is losing you. Is there anyone he can speak to?

Most importantly though, you shouldn't be made to be feeling like this when you must concentrate on yourself and your treatment. Like you said, you just need understanding, peace and a little happiness.

I hope someone else on the forum will have some better ideas but I just wanted to reply to try and give you some comfort.

Kindest thoughts and wishes to you Chantress.

Lauren2812 17 days ago in reply to MissP6

I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he is not able or ready to fave up to this or losing you so is trying to keep himself distracted. The nastiness I am not sure why he would act that way and probably feels bad about it afterwards but it can't keep happening. Explain to him that he will regret his behaviour when it's too late. He needs to spend his time with you now and take care of you.

Lauren2812 17 days ago

I have replied below, sorry I replied to someone else's comments accidently instead of yours. I hope you can resolve this with him

Clem16 17 days ago

I just wanted to say hello and let you know I'm thinking of you. I did wonder if there was a Maggie's Centre accessible to you or anything else locally where there is cancer support and a comfortable place for you to just be. Although our homes can sometimes be a refuge I found a break even for a short while helpful.

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Unsupported husband