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I just feel im an emotional wreck and can't function feel my diagnosis has taken over my life.

A friend told me I've no option but to think positive if i want to live .  

So now im even worse . I go alone to all appointments so no one sees me cry . I start my radiotherapy/ chemo soon and know as soon as i walk in the door i start crying .

Any help in coping mechanisms be appreciated .

  • Hi  I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling, there is nothing wrong with crying as it helps unpack some of the emotions……

    You say that you go to all your appointments alone….. because you don’t want anyone to see you cry….. I am a 6ft highlander and my wife goes to every appointment and seen me bubble like a baby often….. navigating the cancer journey is hard work and more so if you are facing every appointment alone….. my top ‘coping mechanism’ is get a few trusted people to walk this beside you.

    It’s a challenging time for you so you may want to use the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00. This service provides cancer information, practical information, emotional support or just a listening ear.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing.

    All the best with your treatment ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thank you so much for your advice xx

  • Hi Smiffey, I am feeling the same as you it consumes you night and day. I can't give you any advice as I'm feeling the same but just if you want to talk I'm here,hopefully it's part of the process and gets easier. Sending you all the best. Karen

  • Hi  

    Please take no notice of the 'friend' who's told you that "I've no option but to think positive if I want to live." It's simply impossible to be positive all the time and is an urban myth that to survive cancer you need to think positive. In fact, Cancer Research have proved that it makes no difference to how well your treatment works whether you're a positive person or not.

    Sending some virtual ((hugs))

    Community Champion Badge

     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Hi ,

    I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, and that you have been feeling so upset. Although I am sure your friend meant well, I can certainly appreciate just how unhelpful that might have been to hear.

    I can see that two of our Community Champions have already provided you with some great information about the support available. I just wanted to add that  recently published a blog about how unhelpful the advice to 'think positive' can be. You can read more by clicking the link below:

    When good intentions hurt: Exploring Toxic positivity

    I hope you'll find it helpful, and that you'll see you're not alone in feeling this way. Our Champions have already shared our contact details with you, so I hope that if you need any help or advice, you'll make use of our Macmillan Support Line whenever you need it.

    All the best,
    Macmillan Online Community Team

  • Hello Smiffey - I am so sorry you have a cancer diagnosis.  Some really good replies already but I just wanted to reach out because i have walked a similar path.  I had one week where I cried continually day in and day out - but always alone and away from family.  It got to the point that I couldn't hide it as my partner came into the room and I couldn't stop crying.   I felt exposed and vulnerable but I did just let the tears come and started to open up a bit.   Its a tough old journey we are all on!   I then realised it did actually feel a bit better that I could be open about my feelings.   It really did help to talk - a bit of a cliche but true.   In terms of 'being positive' - you will have your own pot of positivity and it won't be the same as anyone else's as no one has walked your path but you.   My positivity pot was pretty much empty last week but its got a little bit in it this week!  The immortal words of 'you just have to stay positive' for me, are the most annoying things anyone can say to me.  You navigate this the best way you can with what resources you have at the time.   I would encourage you to find someone trusted to talk to and certainly come on here - loads of lovely supportive people here.  I know that the days I do better are the days I try to stay in the present - using distraction.    So try assessing how much time you're in the present and how much you're in the future - worrying.   Warm hugs are sent your way.

  • Hi,

    • I'm sorry to hear what your going  through. Your friends advise let's face is not much use. Be strong is another good one and all the other clichés.
    • My advise is to take each day, each hour as it comes, try not to look too far ahead. 
    • Use the macmillan chat and  support line. Life saving.  Basically grap any support you can. If you have a local macmillans or Maggie s contact them. 
    • Exercise, drink chamomile tea if your allowed. Meditate to try to help your stress.
    • Journal your thoughts. Getting them out of your head can be such a relief.
    • Use this local community.
    • I also spend a lot if time in the bath to relax.
    • Try to reduce any pressure on yourself.
    • You will get through it., you are feeling every emotional right now being kind to yourself is the best thing you can do. Hugs x
  • Thank you so much and big hugs back x