Scared and anxious

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 I usually write in the lung cancer forum

 But my emotions keep swinging everytime I think I have a grip on it I wake up terrified again..  the only people I have here in UK are my 5 kids.. 2 live with me. But they all fight with each other and I'm stuck in the middle. I feel so hopeless I just dont want to be here anymore.. sorry I feel so emotional today. I've tried talking on phone to someone that didnt help.. 

Thank yall for listening 

Lost and alone brandie

  • Hi Frazzled

    Sorry to hear that you have lung cancer and that you are struggling.  What you are feeling is perfectly understandable.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Best wishes

    Daisy53 

    Community Champion Badge

  • Dear Frazzled, I have days when I feel scared and anxious too.  You're not alone, cancer can be so scarey.  I'm so sorry you're feeling stuck in the middle, I'm sure your children don't mean to make it miserable for you but it doesn't sound ideal.  Would it make a difference if you were able to tell them how it makes you feel?  Could you write them a letter if it's too difficult to do it face to face?  Either way, I'm wishing you the strength to get to better days.  Take care x 

  • No they know what I feel about it..  honestly wouldn't be so bad if I wasnt just feeling scared all the time

  • Hi Brandi,  I'm so sorry you're feeling scared hon.  I'm guessing isolation is an issue too.  May I be direct and ask you what you're scared of?  

    I'm sorry if that seems a blunt question but if we know maybe we can ease the fear.  I'm a single parent of a 23 year old girl who has serious mental health issues and so I can't learn on her to support me.  Personally I often have fears of the cancer returning and dying.  Makes me feel incredibly sad and tearful.  

    Xx Lucy 

  • Hi Brandie

    I’m so sorry that you were feeling so hopeless when you wrote your post. Are you feeling any better today? 


    I know what it’s like to feel fear and also hopelessness, our emotions can go all over the place at times. I can only imagine that children fighting amongst themselves just makes it worse. Maybe it’s their way of dealing with their fear about your illness too? Feelings can get expressed in the most irrational and unusual ways. 

    I wonder whether you have a friend who might be able to talk to the children and explain how their fighting makes you feel and maybe suggest other ways to resolve their differences? I’m sure they aren’t doing it on purpose to upset you. 

    Have you had the opportunity to talk to your local MacMillan nurse or called the support line to talk over how you’re feeling? I know you said you spoke to someone and it didn’t help, but maybe it wasn’t the right person for you at that time  Do try MacMillan or even the Samaritans, they are there to help at times like these.

    Stay strong, Brandie, and write again if you need support. We all do, you know, and we are here.

    Take good care of yourself and I hope your treatment goes/has gone well. Stay safe!

    Much love

    Angela

  • I'm scared of the cancer, the fact that it's taking so long to fully diagnose and come up with a treatment plan I dont understand. I feel alone and lost. I just wake up with a feeling of room each day and I dont know how to make it stop. I feel ya on that my 18 yr old daughter has some mental issues other then the ADHD and she makes it so hard none of the other kids will come.around because no one knows what will trigger her vile nasty mood..  I bet that is worrying I havent gotten that far yet. In fact they have given me appointments so far away I'm afraid its gonna grow or something while waiting.. hope u have a good day

    Brandie

  • No I woke up feeling dreed again today.. 

  • Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling any better and that your 18 year old daughter has mental health issues. Do you have someone on your medical team that you can contract. If you do and if you feel up to it why not give them a ring and tell them that you are afraid the cancer is growing while you are waiting for your next appointments and see if they can move your appointments closer for you.

    Hope this helps somewhat.

    Best wishes

    Daisy53

    Community Champion Badge

  • So sorry Brandie, I feel for you. It’s hard dealing with the feelings of doom and dread and I’m afraid that at times like these I try to distract myself, rather than face them. Immersion in a good book is my current distraction, I used to bake, but can’t often motivate myself anymore. Also, I often don’t have the energy! What did you do by way of hobbies and interests before your diagnosis? I hope you can still find solace and distraction there…..Let us know how you get on please. 

  • Hello Frazzled - so sorry to hear you are still going through a tough time.  There are some lovely replies on here and good suggestions.   I am totally with you when you talk about the fear and dread - I have also had a week of that this week.   Its hard to shake off.  I just go with it and try to show myself some kindness and know that it will pass (as it has done in the past).   It can be hard to stay positive all of the time - we are human after all.   I think someone mentioned about talking about your fear with whoever is looking after you (do you have a MacMillan nurse as a contact?)  If you have - ring them and ask to speak to someone about this fear.  You've come along way already - you will feel better when there is a plan in place.  You mentioned that you did try ringing a line but it didn't help - try again.   It might be helpful on another occasion - you never know.

    Your children are likely to be experiencing fear also and worry about you.  that can bring up strong emotions for them too - and it may be why your youngest daughter is going through a tough time with her behaviour.  Its so hard - you're trying to navigate your way through this yourself but you still need to support others - its difficult and its why it might be a good idea to speak to either your Macmillan nurse or if you don't have one - reach out to the Helpline on here.

    Hugs x