Toxic Positivity

I had some stupid person say " can't you fight it ????" What the hell does she think we're doing ? The mind boggles .

I only told Family and very close friends....until recently I did a birthday fundraiser for pancreatic  cancer,  and raised £1027 .00 , just with friends and family, I was so pleased. 

Hi I kind of get what you say but like you say it's difficult for them to find the right things to say, it's hard for them too. I think being positive is a good thing well it is for me but understand it's not for some who prefer to deal with it on their own

Hi Mart1. I laughed and grimaced when I saw your phrase "toxic positivity." It summarises how I felt about some reactions to my cancer diagnosis from close family and friends, who I thought should know better. At the time, I was too upset to call it out. I was already upset by my diagnosis and couldn't handle unhelpful reactions. It added to my sense of isolation and loneliness. Luckily, I found a Maggie's Centre, where kind people listened to me and never told me to be positive. In fact, one of the staff told me they have banned the phrase "be positive." 

Months later, the same member of staff said they would like to run courses for family and friends of cancer patients, to help them be alongside their loved ones in their hour of need. If you haven't had cancer, it's very difficult to understand what it's like and to know how to be supportive. I look back and wince at some of the ways I didn't help friends with cancer. 

I think you're right: people mean well, but ... Well done you, for gently helping them learn the error of their ways ! We want our families and friends to be there for us, and they want that, too. 

I hope you and your partner are getting lots of support now. 

Hi Mart1 and all of the forum participants. 

Toxic positive.... well what can I say about it? In reality Hate it, when people say, you look so well, really??? That thing to me is not my looking is my feelings is what it matters the most and that is really hard to describe and show.

For example,  went to see my GP last week,  my wife went with me and we where really not happy about his comments, I went there because I am in constant pain is disturbing my sleep. What do you think he told me about it? This where his words:

You are lucky to be alive

I was in shock, I could not believe that a health professional could talk like that, he his supposed to be trained to comfort patients like me with: major hearth failure and Stage4 colon cancer.... instead is telling me I am lucky to be alive.

Really ???

Maybe next time I go see my pets vet, probably the outcome will be better at least more professional. 

Hi All, I’ve just come across this post and I feel it 

I’ve stage 1a endo cancer, I’ve been told it’s curative and I should be having a hysterectomy in January. My close family have taken this as if I have nothing to worry about and should just crack on with life. Meanwhile, I’ve sunk into depression and crippling anxiety that my dad and brother are telling me to snap out of, and my mum (who has dementia) is giving me platitudes (she told me I’ll be fine, as I’m ’clever’) 

I divorced last year, my 22 year is supporting me but I don’t want to lean on her too much. I rang my parents yesterday as I just wanted my parents, despite me being 46 - I feel completely lonely and isolated. My dad, who’s always been so supportive, started shouting at me for being upset, telling me I’ve been told I’m going to be okay and asking what I’m ’bloody well crying for then.’

I’d love someone to just put an arm round me and let me have a good cry on their shoulder, without any platitudes 

Hi Ulla, 100% understand your point. We don't need people to trying to tell us we are going to be fine,  all that bla...bla.... I have stage4 colon cancer is incurable that's it, I accept it,  but why are people around me not accepting it? Is nothing to do with them, I am the one who has it that's it. All that:

"You are going to be fine, and you are going to be ok, and you look really well.... all that bla... bla... bla... it just infuriates me.