Coping alone

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Last September I was given my 5-year all clear from cervical cancer.  I have just been diagnosed with lung cancer: a massive shock as symptoms were being put down to long-Covid.  I am waiting for biopsy and CT scan results.  I have the most amazing group of friends.  My family is very small and lives a long way from me.  I live alone.  I was just wondering if there are any others in our community who are struggling with being alone whilst trying to cope with all of the unknowns; the fears; the internal catastrophising etc.  I coped well last time, but think I am still reeling from the shock of the return along with the trauma of how unwell I was upon diagnosis.  I am feeling much better having had some surgery, pending further results and plans but dread the start of every day and what news might come my way that could be hard to cope with.  I am managing to do a few things that I enjoy (a tiny bit of gardening, for example) and I feel soooo blessed that I am able to do that again.  One of the other things that I am really struggling with is the loss of going to work.  I am a secondary school teacher and head of year, so am used to an incredibly busy life.  I love my job and miss it, terribly.  I just thought it might be nice to start a thread for others who might be 'home alone' on their journey.

  • Thank you Kizzy for your kind words. I'm having an off day plus it's raining down here.  My OPA is on the 21st and I've not had my scans yet!  The skin nurse specialist team is down to just 2 people instead of 4.  I understand that they are short staffed but this is my cancer and I want to be cared for properly.  It's bad enough that the check up scans got moved to 6 monthly from 3 monthly!

  • Oh, bless you Alottment lover, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in a state of limbo...just waiting. I think that is one of the toughest things we go through....that empty space of waiting, not knowing and speculating. If you're anything like me, you'll be catastrophising and thinking the absolute worst. We have to be so skilled at 'just being'. Unless you've been through it, you can't fully understand how it feels. Another reason that this thread might be helpful.

    It's raining here too, but despite that and it just becoming dark, I can hear a little bird singing near the back door.  The dear little soul is adapting to the fact that the Hawthorn he's singing from has had quite a big trim this afternoon - yet he's still singing. One of those many blessings that we need to hang onto during our times of 'just being'.

    I hope you are able to do something nice to relax this evening. Stay in touch on here, and we'll all do our best to support one another.

    Sending love.

    Kizzy.

  • Hi darlins, Kizzy and Allotment Lover and anyone I’ve missed (I’m useless with technology). Just got tucked up in bed with a purring cat and a takeaway, before the snow gets worse. Shall find something to watch on tv/Netflix to keep me going. Meanwhile you are all in my thoughts and prayers. 

  • Hello NewMe, that sounds idyllic...especially the purring cat! One of mine is on my lap with me on the sofa and very sleepy, the other is snuggled up on the bed. It's pouring with rain, but thankfully no snow. 

    Looking forward to one of my friends ringing later for a catch up. The Apprentice tonight, too...always good for a bit of distracting entertainment.

    Sending love to everyone in the thread.

    Kizzy.

  • Hi Kizzy1891, NewMe and Winkers60

    Long time no posting so I hope you are all ok and making sure you give yourself treats. My daughter is home now from university so I've retreated in to myself some more hence not writing anything.  She's undiagnosed autistic and can be exhausting with her emotions.  Do you ever run out of words when you feel so tired?  

    Sending you all love and hugs xxx

  • Hello everyone!

    Thanks Alottment lover for giving me the nudge I needed to get back here.  I've been thinking of posting for ages and never get around to it.

    I'm doing well.  Treatment is in full swing and I'm responding well.  Post-chemo I've had a few unpleasant days, but they're behind me now.

    I hope everyone is doing well.

    Yes, Alottment lover, I get what you mean about not having words when you're tired.  It's like your brain just shuts down for a rest.  I hope things ease for you at home.

    I went to my school camp last week (didn't sleep over but went for the 5 days).  It was so wonderful to do something that didn't involve me being a patient and made me feel like a regular person again.  We had a lot of fun and it was perfectly timed ahead of treatment re-starting this week.  Meant to be!

    Yes, I'm giving myself treats.  On Monday it was two pieces of chocolate Tiffin from Costa (one for my bestie who was giving me a lift home from the hospital and the other for me).  Yesterday it was a Belgian bun.  Come to think of it, it was a Belgian bun on Tuesday too!!!  I promise I eat healthily, generally!  I don't think post-chemo and radiotherapy treats count because I firmly believe they are made simply of sea breeze and fairy dust!!

    Love to you all.

    Kizzy.