Coping alone

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Last September I was given my 5-year all clear from cervical cancer.  I have just been diagnosed with lung cancer: a massive shock as symptoms were being put down to long-Covid.  I am waiting for biopsy and CT scan results.  I have the most amazing group of friends.  My family is very small and lives a long way from me.  I live alone.  I was just wondering if there are any others in our community who are struggling with being alone whilst trying to cope with all of the unknowns; the fears; the internal catastrophising etc.  I coped well last time, but think I am still reeling from the shock of the return along with the trauma of how unwell I was upon diagnosis.  I am feeling much better having had some surgery, pending further results and plans but dread the start of every day and what news might come my way that could be hard to cope with.  I am managing to do a few things that I enjoy (a tiny bit of gardening, for example) and I feel soooo blessed that I am able to do that again.  One of the other things that I am really struggling with is the loss of going to work.  I am a secondary school teacher and head of year, so am used to an incredibly busy life.  I love my job and miss it, terribly.  I just thought it might be nice to start a thread for others who might be 'home alone' on their journey.

  • Hi Kizzy1891,What a horrible shock,I’m glad you have supportive friends.I live on my own too.I had bladder cancer and currently have a problem with both kidneys.My mum died in January last year and I’m still clearing the house ready to put it on the market.I will have to find somewhere new to live and it’s been incredibly stressful.I do feel for you not being able to do the job you loved.I’m signed off sick but had been mum’s full time carer before becoming ill.I miss mum and looking after her.When we fist moved here in 1998 we had a small support network but several people died and the rest moved away.I don’t have any friends nearby now.Best wishes for your results.Love Jane 

  • Hi Jane, I'm so, so sorry to hear about how things are for you right now. My Mum passed away in 2014 and I had been looking after her for a long time, too. Clearing and selling her house was incredibly difficult, so I totally understand how you feel. I truly hope that things get better soon for you. Hang on in there. Maybe others who are alone might join this thread and offer support to one another. Thank you for your kindness. Love, Kizzy.

  • Thanks Kizzy,I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through.I’m hoping now the house is a bit clearer I can see light at the end of the tunnel.I can’t believe it’s taking so long but all the rooms were full and not just with mum’s possessions.Love Jane 

  • I get that, completely. It's amazing how much 'stuff' we accumulate! It's an incredibly difficult process. Be kind to yourself. Love, Kizzy.

  • I know it’s shocking.Mum was a bit of a hoarder so there are things going back here from my childhood and I’m 62.The auctioneers took 38 boxes of mum’s books and those were just the books from the lounge.The first lot of mum’s prints and antiques are being sold this week.My sister and I each selected some items we wanted to keep but the rest are being sold.I will be selling some of my own belongings as I will have to downsize.I hope the next owner will be as happy here as we were.I shall miss the house and the garden.I love gardening but the garden is 175 ft long and terraced and is a bit too much since cancer.Love Jane xx

  • I bet you've found some wonderful treasures! I wish you the best with it all. Its a tough process. I, too, adore gardening. I hope you manage to find somewhere that will allow you to continue that link with nature. Love Kizzy.

  • Thank you.I would love to have a manageable garden in the next place.The garden was a sanctuary during the long recovery from surgery.Mum and I spent many happy hours creating it before she had a brain haemorrhage.I will miss it but I’m looking forward to a fresh start.This view is towards the bottom end of the garden.Jane

  • Thank you so much for sharing. Utterly stunning. The wonder and healing power of nature. When recovering last time, I converted the bottom of my tiered garden into a woodland/wildlife space with pond, paths, etc. That area is home to a beautiful self-sown Oak that I've watched grow for nearly 30 years. That area is my absolute sanctuary. I so hope you are able to find a new space that allows you to continue your love of nature. Love, Kizzy.

  • That sounds wonderful Kizzy,I love gardens like that.The end of my garden has more woodland plants and extra paths.I’m lucky to get a good variety of wildlife and have two tame robins and a male blackbird that follow me around the garden.They have been lovely companions especially since mum’s death.I’m glad you are able to enjoy gardening.Love Jane

  • My Mum had a tame Blackbird that cost her a fortune in feeding him grapes! A Robin often appears when I tend Mum's grave. My garden is full of birds. They are such a comfort. Love Kizzy.