Coping alone

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Last September I was given my 5-year all clear from cervical cancer.  I have just been diagnosed with lung cancer: a massive shock as symptoms were being put down to long-Covid.  I am waiting for biopsy and CT scan results.  I have the most amazing group of friends.  My family is very small and lives a long way from me.  I live alone.  I was just wondering if there are any others in our community who are struggling with being alone whilst trying to cope with all of the unknowns; the fears; the internal catastrophising etc.  I coped well last time, but think I am still reeling from the shock of the return along with the trauma of how unwell I was upon diagnosis.  I am feeling much better having had some surgery, pending further results and plans but dread the start of every day and what news might come my way that could be hard to cope with.  I am managing to do a few things that I enjoy (a tiny bit of gardening, for example) and I feel soooo blessed that I am able to do that again.  One of the other things that I am really struggling with is the loss of going to work.  I am a secondary school teacher and head of year, so am used to an incredibly busy life.  I love my job and miss it, terribly.  I just thought it might be nice to start a thread for others who might be 'home alone' on their journey.

  • Mine eats grapes but luckily I have a few vines so I don’t have to buy them.He also loves apples and is fiercely protective over his bucket/bowl full.I’ve got workmen in mending the balcony today so not enjoying the noise much but it has to be done.It’s raining so not very nice for them out there.Love Jane 

  • Hi Kizzy1891. I’ve just joined the forum, though although I’m hopeful I’m through the living hell which cancer is, what still affects me is how hard it is going through it, living alone. 

  • Hi NewMe. So lovely that you've joined our little community. I so hope, for you, that you are through the worst. Being alone with it all is incredibly tough. Alone, we mostly just have our thoughts and imaginations which don't always work in our best interest! I hope this little group provides somewhere for us to drop in for a little support and understanding, or even just a chat about anything other than cancer! Sending love and all good wishes.

  • Hi NewMe,I’m so sorry you have been through such a tough time.It is hard on your own.Hopefully now Kizzy has started this thread we can support each other and not feel so alone with it all.Love and best wishes Jane 

  • Hi Jane, Lizzy and NewMe 

    I've been following this thread and wanted to agree with you all.  I've no close family who can support me and sadly the few friends I have don't seem to be stepping forward.  It doesn't help that I'm a single mum of just 60 with one 22 yr old young adult and very independent!

    I manage most days by keeping busy up in my alottment and I work in a local art cafe garden too.  My child is at university so I'm alone in a flat with great sea views but I know I try and avoid doing nothing as I'll start to catastrophise (is that a word?) then I'll start crying. I pretend such a lot that I'm ok when I'm not. I'm exhausted from pretending, really tired.  

    Love to you all x

  • Hi Alottment lover.

    I can relate so much with how you are feeling. I totally get what you mean about those you would expect to step forward but who end up letting you down. I remember reading an article by the psychiatrist Dr Max Pemberton about things you lose when you have cancer, that you don't expect -  people! I have experienced that very thing and I know how much it hurts and how much confusion it can bring. I now think that their behaviour speaks volumes about them and not us!

    I also completely identify with the exhaustion of pretending that everything is OK. I had a PET scan on Friday and felt really unwell when I got home. As I sat and thought about things in the afternoon, I realised that most of how I was feeling was down to emotional exhaustion.  When feeling stressed over this weekend I've repeated the words 'gentle' and 'kind' to remind myself to be both of those things to me. It's not worked perfectly, by any means, but has definitely helped.

    I'm so pleased that your allotment gives you pleasure and escape. I find that with my garden as do others in this little group. Nature offers magical possibilities.

    I hope joining this group will bring you some comfort. 

    Sending love.

    Kizzy.

  • Hi Kizzy and all in this string. It’s such a privilege to make all your acquaintances. It feels lovely to have like-minded to talk to. I’ve had a tough day at work today (mentally drained) but will be back soon m’darlins. X 

  • Oh, bless you NewMe. I think it's so lovely that we all have this thread to dip into. My hope when I first posted was that this might happen.

    I hope you have a chance to relax this evening. I am about to watch last night's Love Island as a bit of escape! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!!!

    Sending love and positive energy. x

  • Hi NewMe!

    Just sending a little message to let you know that I hope you've had a better day today, than yesterday.

    Sending love and positive energy.

    Kizzy.

  • Hello NewMe. Sorry to hear your day was tough, hope they improve.  Were carrying quite a burden on our shoulders and I'm sure all the counseling phrases say something like' give yourself a treat, be kind to you, rest and if there's a choice between chores round the house or a nice glass of something with your feet up then you have to ignore the chores'. Dust never hurt anyone.  Seriously maybe we should arrange at least one nice, indulgent treat a day for ourselves.  

    Xxx