I was at a party just before Christmas and there was another woman there with cancer. She didn't have any hair so was obviously on some strong chemo. We got chatting and were discussing our treatments and it turns out she has a stage 3 cancer.
Mine is stage 4 incurable, but because I have my hair and don't look like the stereotypical person off the cancer leaflets, nobody asked me how I was, even though most people there knew my circumstances. The lady without the hair on the other hand, had people offerng to give up their chairs for her and people were falling over themselves to bring her food.
Part of me found it amusing (she did as well() but also mildly annoying that there is still so much ignorance surrounding cancer and it's various treatments.
Another one. Woman in a hobby I do couldn't understand why I had so much energy. When her friends/mother/gran (cant remember which) had cancer she couldn't do xyz. So how come I am able to do xyz?
I tried to tell her it's the steroids but think it fell on deaf ears,. I think the fact I have HAIR threw her as well.
Can you imagine if people had xray vision?
It would soon shut them up.
As it is I feel like a fraud and maybe people ate doubting that I'm really ill.
Have any of you come across ignorance and insensitivity?
Hi Harebellle
I think there is still a widely held belief of what a cancer patient “should” look like. I didn’t lose my hair on chemo either, so got the “you look so well” comments from those who did know. I didn’t really tell people I had cancer, because of various reasons, but x ray vision for the doubters would show that I have no organs left in my pelvis and 2 stoma bags. I’m sure people who do know about my cancer but not my surgery who believe I am fine and even “cured” without knowing the details would get a surprise!
I did say when I was first having treatment, “what do you expect me to look like? Some Victorian consumptive lying tragically in bed while you speak in hushed tones?” But I did wonder if some people understood that yes, I was ill, but I was still able to function.
People seem to think you are going to be a certain way, and it’s hard for them to understand differently. So I don’t tell people I have cancer, and they wouldn’t know to look at me, other than that I use a mobility scooter-but that could be for any number of reasons other than cancer.
I don’t want pity, questions or to deal with their feelings of being uncomfortable. I have enough to be getting on with!
Sarah xx
No I haven’t but it seems that if you were at a party it should have been fun.
It sounds the opposite.
I think people assume too much on the exterior appearance with others with cancer. It’s just ignorance
Best ignore them and keep going. You sound as if you’re sound really well
Ann
I’m very glad I didn’t tell many-I don’t regret my decision as it was right for me. Once it’s out there, you can’t take it back.
Sarah xx
Hi , I was doing my food shop when a parent from the school came up to me bear in mind iv never spoke to this lady ever , she then said to me we've been talking about you at school and wondered what
ou've done with ur hair ????? Omg ,, when I replied iv got breast cancer and lost it after my first round of chemo, she then said don't worry it will grow back I had to shave my hair off as I dyed and it went wrong !! Omg so not the same as going through cancer and it was her choice, I had no choice and had lovely long hair , some people !!!
Its unbelievable, that woman has no empathy in her entire body.
Honestly I think we need to think of some go to come backs. Though that doesn’t always help. I remember growing up I just didn’t stop and I was sick and tired of the tall comments going through school only once married it carried on and on.
One particular woman repeatedly commented on my height over and over. One day as I walked in she said. You’re so tall
“Yes I was born this way nothing I can do about it but look at my bottom. Neat and tight as I swooshed around her enormous backside”
No I didn’t feel any better but she stopped bullying me.
As did another mother that had a very large nose. You can guess what I said
I think you could reply yes my hair will grow back unlike your sensitivity as you’ve never been gifted any!
Ann
She was a school yard bully and her sons following her example.
Hopefully she’s got a big backside you can pick on if she catches you one day.
That’s what’s happened to me so many times when I was younger I’ve always hated my height because others pick on it!
Now I’m old I do not care I stand as tall as I can and dye hair purple. Ha ha a rebel at 68
funny thing is people actually stop and ask me where I get my colour from sometimes I tell them sometimes I say it’s natural!
Get yourself some colourful wigs.
Ann
