My husband has just left me!

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I don't know if I'm even in the right place to post this.

My husband has just left me, 4 days before Christmas. I have had  secondary breast cancer for 14 years and all those years have been very lucky with my treatment being stable and of course I hid a lot from him and my sons so they could cope better with it. Anyway at the start of this year I had a Sternectomy to remove a massive tumour there and I had complications and I was very poorly and took me a good 6 months to recover. My husband was terrified and suddenlty had to face up to the fact that this illness is very real. Instead of talking to anyone he bottled things up. He felt it was all about me and noone cared how he felt, which is utter rubbish. He has people including myself who care so much and I could see it was stressing him out. Anyway he then turned to a woman at work who clearly knew what to say and do and they started having an affair. For 5 months he saw her and would disappear for ages. Always claiming he loved me and until that point we really did have the most fantastic marriage and did so many things together and enjoyed life.

So now I am dealing with not only my cancer but not having the love of my life by my side. My two sons who still live at home have been amazing but I am beyond devastated and scared of my life as a single person and dying alone

Has anyone experienced this and come out the other side???

  • Hi Ells, 

    I haven't had this experience, but I've seen several people on the site who have. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you manage to get the support that you need. 

    Best wishes 

    Sarah 

  • Thank you, I appreciate the reply. The cancer side of things I can cope with, it's the rest sadly

  • Hi and first some ((hugs))...... a very poor token but it's the least I can do virtually.

    From my years supporting on this Community and other platforms your story is unfortunately not that unusual. Everyone including the people closest to us can react oh so differently resulting in unbelievable reactions and actions.

    Lets look for anyone who has walked this path before to pick up on your post.

    They say a burden shared is a burden halved...... and the very fact you are here will in someway be helping you but do remember that the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via web chat. This service provides emotional support, benefits and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

    Talking to people face to face can help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up.

    Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area but also available on phone or video. The support workers in these canters are dealing with these marital challenges regularly.

    Always around to chat ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Thank you Mike, I do appreciate that. I will certainly look into it. I have very good family and friends around me who are all doing there best, but feel like I'm drowning at the moment. I know its still early days.

  • Hi Ells, it must be beyond horrid when the person you thought would  be there for you in sickness and in health bails when it gets tough. I am so glad that your sons have been amazing. I hope that you find other amazing people too.

    Best wishes 

    Sarah 

  • Hi Ella,

    I am so sorry to hear your position you find yourself in. I cannot relate to your exact scenario but I am a wife of a husband that is going through the early stages of cancer treatment, and I can only say from my experiance so far that 2 people can be dealing with the same thing but dealing with it in completely different ways, but both can feel vulnerable and scared, but it's very sad your husband could not open up and talk to you or find a different means of doing so. I really hope you get all the love and support you need, and it sounds like you have amazing strength as a person so remember that. Sending love 

  • Thank you, I appreciate your kind words

  • Hey Ells, I’m battling breast cancer atm and my husband left me a week before my last chemo his excuse was that he can’t live in the environment of our home meaning the kids and the dog it’s too stressful for him apparently! So I know how your feeling to an extent but Iv used these past few weeks with him gone to reflect on my life and Iv come to realise I’m glad he left when he did because I don’t want to spend my life with a person so heartless and selfish when he can walk out on his wife at a time like this. I feel at peace with it now and I hope you can too some day soon.. I wish you all the best xo 

  • THis is me now, but I stand to be homeless, no support, have to sign on to Universal Credit and now loosing my breast and nipple.  All my saving spent no security and very heartbroken.  My husband has Autism and his parents have abused me since we married 15 years ago.  I have CFS / ME and his parents tried to make him leave me after a still birth 10 years ago.  he is on immunosuppressants for arthritis and he had me locked down for last 4 years.  Just after Christmas after lastest abuse from parent in late 70s, they convinced him to leave.  Complete shock and he lied saying he was in fear for his life and did some abusive things to me at their suggestion (I cannot prove).  Lost my best friend and lovely husband and last 5 weeks was like he had been indoctrinated into an evil cult.

    Never had a joint account and didn't know what he was earning.  NOt on deeds or have a will, he spent all my money, but I trusted him and supported him through Doctorate for 5 years.  He was manipulated to go and plotted the whole thing.  Couldn't take abuse from his parents any longer and of course they lied and reframed even the abuse he witnessed and heard, reprogrammed him.  Just learnt he did this to his first wife nearly 20 years ago and accused her of being in fear for his life so he could take the coward's way out.  My 15 year marriage is gone in 5 weeks.  He knew I had red discharge out of my nipple and promised to go to hospital with me.  I went alone, endured a biopsy alone and now I need my entire breast and nipple off.

    He is trying to legally get me out of the house.  Left me in a hoard.  I cannot lift anything and with CFS / ME can only prepare food for myself once a day, blindsided and heartbroken by dispicable behaviour from so called Christians.  I am a Christian and they certainly don't represent the Jesus I know and love.  Called our only 2 children (still born) the anti-Christ.  So I am childless, can never foster due to cancer diagnosis and will be too old after 10 year remission period.  Cannot work, left alone with no support, friends too far away or abroad.  No support from local church because I didn't go due to being locked down.  I forgive them for dispicale behaviour, but I lost the person who up until mid November loved me so very much.  It came as a complete shock due to his Autism.  Cannot stop crying.  Not sure I will ever recover.

    Not sure how I feel, but this was never the plan I had for my life.  Maybe one day I will tell you I am okay, but I doubt it, so many of my dreams ruined by evil In Laws and a husband who refused to stand up to them.  Only thing they couldn't take is my faith and my cat.

    Blindsided

  • Hi Catperson welcome to the forum. I note that you have responded to a post that is 2 years old and wondered if thats what you meant to do?

    gail

     
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