Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Full time carer for my mum who is terminally ill and just gone back to uni and really struggling with it all as no help or support for my age really!

life28
Posted by
Hii 
I apologise firstly as I haven’t been on here for months and not replied back to some lovely comments people have said. It’s not been a great time as I am still my mums full time carer for nearly 6 years now. She had breast cancer as I discussed before and it was very touch and go but she managed to kick cancers butt and for a couple of years she was getting better but unfortunately only just over a month ago we had the heartbreaking news that the cancer is back and spread to her lungs and now brain! She had immediate brain surgery over Christmas and is now trying to recover... long story short we are still waiting on results to see if radiotherapy is an option.  She is terminal and its not really sunk in yet but at the same time has if that makes sense. 
I joined here about 5 months ago but have been struggling to come back as it’s been so full on here Iv had no time for myself.
 
It’s really affecting me a lot and i also went back to university September last year to do a masters and now first semester in we got this heartbreaking news with has turned my world upside down and broken it into a million pieces.
I was hoping to maybe see how I get on here as I have no one really to talk to other than my mum and I don’t want to burden her with how bad am copying if copying is the right word. 
Not very good at reaching out so any advice//support and even a friendly chat would be so appreciated because I feel like there isn’t much support and help out there for young Carers in the late 20s which is hard. 
Life28 x
LoobyLou49
Posted by

Hi ,

I'm so sorry to hear how awful things are, but it's good that you have reached out. There are some lovely people in Carers and I'm sure you'll get lots of replies. I understand the shock and the limbo it puts you in. I'm not sure that coping is something anyone does; we get by day to day and take it as it comes. That sounds a bit devil-may-care although it's anything but. A Masters is hard at anytime, would they let you take a year out? I'm a long way from my late 20s, but as a retired learning support tutor of A level and degree students I know how hard such things hit and how difficult it can be to concentrate when bad news hits. It might help to chat to someone on the helpline where there are experts who can help. They're all very friendly.

Big hugs,

LoobyLou   

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irenew42
Posted by

Hi life28 

 I'm sure there will be support councillors at university of if you had a tutor/ lecturer that you can take to they maybe able to put you in touch with someone at uni who will chat with you and support you while trying to do your course I no it's a struggle but please talk to someone at uni ask for help and I'll be surprised what is there to help you and this can lead to help for your mum too. Iv been there years ago and chatting to my lecturer one day opened another world of help for me and my family I was in my mid 30,s at the time.  

please don't struggle

Irene xx

Irene

euphonomium
Posted by

Hey life28,

I was 29 and pregnant when I began caring for my Dad who had pancreatic cancer (and has since passed away) and later then same year, my husband who had NHL. If you want to chat to someone of a similar age with similar experiences, I’m around!

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
Mabelmum
Posted by

Hi there life28, 

I'm so sorry to read your experience, sending love to both you and your Mum, you are an amazing person. Our daughter is away at uni and my husband was confirmed as having incurable lung cancer. Daughter is having  counciling through the uni. She is in 3rd year but spoke to her main tutor during 2nd year and she told her all of her options and put her in touch with where to go for help. She has updated them and they are being very supportive. Please try to talk to someone, it is so hard and bottling up things can be destructive. Maybe look into if Macmillan have a local group near you, they may have something. I hope you can find a way forward that helps you. Please look after yourself.

  Mablemum xxxx

Orla222
Posted by

Hi life 28, 

Firstly I can relate to a lot of your post. I am 27 and am my mums full time carer who has stage four ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed 2 years ago whilst I was a second year student studying social work. I 100% agree with the lack of support for our age group as while we are to old to be considered “young carers” but I feel far to young to be looking after a sick parent ! I think the advice given by other users to speak to a tutor is really key. Whilst hard being honest with uni is really important ! I would also suggest checking out your unis extenuating circumstances policy. As I was able to delay my deadlines and complete some work over the summer. As the last thing you need is to be stressing over uni work on top of everything else. 
I was able to get 6 counselling sessions from my uni.
I would also suggest maybe sharing your situation with a uni friend. As I defo found my class mates a really support ! 
hope the above is helpful. And remember your not alone xx