Mum to baby and coping with husband's cancer diagnosis.

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Just wondering (and hoping) if there are any group chats for partners of those affected by cancer, with young children?

My husband was diagnosed with colon cancer two weeks ago (aged 44). We have a 7 month old baby and I'm not coping too well. I need to be strong, positive and cheery for them both, but I feel like I'm about to break. I need to find a way to be the wife and mother they need me to be - with some urgency. Hearing any advice, signpoasting, or chatting with people with similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. 

  • It's now that all those cliches take on a deeper meaning. 'One day at a time' , 'Live in the moment'  With a baby you have no choice but to carry on but sometimes you will panic and just want to run away, we all do ,its 'normal' . I feel so sad for you and with you ,all l can say is ,make space and time for yourself, remember who you used to be. They both need you rested, healthy and focused. God Bless you and yours x

  • Hi there, I am so sorry that you are facing this. This forum is great for getting things off your chest and also receiving support and advice. With regards to group chats for carers with young children I wonder if you phoned macmillan whether they could point you in the right direction. Thinking of you, much love, Pam x

    Love is eternal
  • hello Mountains2019

    Your post made me really sad - having a 7 month old baby you are going through the most wonderful (but also very difficult) part of your family life so I cannot even imagine how hard it must have been for you to hear the diagnosis...

    We've been on this journey for 10 months now - my husband is only 45 and we have 2 young children ( 8 years old son and 2 years old daughter)...She is completely unaware of the situation and to be honest she's helped us to get trough the darkest days... she makes us smile and lough every day... it was much harder for my son, we had to tell him the truth and explain the situation. his life has changed so much in such a short space of time - Dad he used to know - strong, fit and healthy is no longer the case and they both had to get used to our new life... 

    if I can give you any advice …. try and enjoy your baby - both of you... they grow so quickly..

    try and find a bit of time for yourself too  (and I know how hard it is ) and if you have family and/ or friends around you - just TELL them what help you may need. they will appreciate that - I know that even people who are close are sometimes lost (I've experienced that).

    I am here if you wat to talk

    big hug for now 

  • Hi Mountains2019,

    My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer last year, my son had just turned 2 and my daughter was 4 at the time and my husband was only 36. It's hard trying to keep it together with a baby let alone a poorly husband too. Has the consultant recommended any course of treatment yet? mine had an emergency operation, stoma and then 8 cycles of chemotherapy.

    You will get through it you have to and believe me you will find the strength. Waving my eldest off to her first day at reception and then taking my husband to hospital for chemotherapy was not how I saw thing panning out.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Trentlady

    , thank you for your advice. Having a baby is certainly a powerful driving force to help us face each day with as much positivity as possible. x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Needing friends

    , I am sorry to read your story too. How cruel that life can take such a unimaginable turn and floor you when you least expected it. I did ring Macmillan and they directed me here and to a group in the local area. I'm not sure I can face a group at the moment. My emotions are all over the place. Trying to keep it together for my husband and baby. x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Haga

    , I admire the strength you have for your husband and children. The last 10 months must've been dreadful for you all - with everyone depending on you greatly, no doubt.

    I'm so aware of how quickly our baby is growing and changing and I worry so much how this is affecting him. He's been a very well baby so far but this week has, for the first time, caught a really bad cold/cough virus. I can't help but think he is picking up on the stress, even though I am trying to suppress it. One blesssing is that he'll not remember and of this. Although with the nature of the disease, I can't help worry about the future for us all. I know these kinds of thoughts are unhelpful, but they are the ones that plague me at night. 

    x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to LJ5

    , what an awful time you have had, especially with the delayed diagnosis. How is your husband doing? At the moment I feel like everything has changed completely overnight - from day to day life, to our future plans etc. My brain is a jumble of panic and fear and disbelief.

    My husband has had no bowel symptoms. It was only discovered because of the effects of aneamia from the bleeding tumour (which has been very slow and so undetectable in his stool). The aneamis was only tested for by chance because he contracted cryptosporidium.

    The consultant has said several times how young he is to have bowel cancer. No one expects this to happen to them anyway do they, but definitely not to someone so young and seemingly so fit. Once his iron levels are stable (hopefully by the beginning of January), the plan is to remove the whole of his ascending colon which they will biopsy to determine whether there are any cancer cells in the connecting lymph nodes. The thought of the latter completely terrifies me and dominated my thoughts a lot of the time. I cant even describe how.i feel.when I watch my husband with our baby now - do you know what I mean?

    x

  • Mountains2019

    one thing that I’ve learned in the last 10 months is that we have to try and live here and now. I’ve stopped planning, I try not to think about the future- ... it keeps me sane...

    with my husband’s illness - we take each day as it comes... we’ve learned to enjoy our new “normal” ... 

    I have to admit it’s much harder at the moment with all the Festive Celebrations - I went shopping the other day and couldn’t Stand the happy  shopping crowd... so I left the shopping centre and decided to sort out the pressies online...

    you will find the strength too - for your baby and for your family- You will find it easier ( not a word I use often these days) Once you  have the treatment plan in place... 

    how is your husband coping with the diagnosis?

    all the best 

  • LJ5

    i’ve just read your story... I am so sorry - I cannot imaging how it feels to get the “all clear “ results and few months later bad news again...

    we were told 10 months ago that my husband’s cancer is incurable but they believe they can manage it... it’s been 6 months since he’s started the treatment and side effect are pretty tough but he is stable and we are finding our new “ normal” every day ... 

    our kids are similar age as yours - 2 & 8...

    I hope your appointment in Basingstoke went well 

    all the best