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Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Knowing about prognosis

Needing friends
Posted by

Hi everyone, has anyone else been excluded by patients from going to see oncologist?. My partner will not let me go with him, but expects me to get holiday insurance without being able to answer questions. He apparently doesn't know the answers either but doesn't do anything about finding out 

Posted by

Sorry to read this, certainly it is not something I have ever experienced though my wife made it clear right from the start she did not want a prognosis. Of course a prognosis is at best a guess based on averages and there will be plenty of people here who have outlived any prognosis they were given. It might of course be really difficult to find travel insurance unless you do have a answer but some insurers sometimes do a kind of insurance that does not cover things cancer related. 

For us now my wife cannot fly anymore so we tend pretty much to holiday in the UK, insurance then is less of an issue. When I looked at the prices to insure going to Paris it was really expensive but then all 3 of us have issues that weight the premium up.

Talking about cancer can be really difficult and I am sure your partner is trying to protect you, generally people find the better informed they are things work better.



Needing friends
Posted by

Thanks Steve, perhaps UK holiday s are something we may do, but at the moment he won't drive more than 20 minutes away as he doesn't see the point. Driving to get to an airport would be no problem however because he just wants to go abroad. Perhaps me saying I wanted a prognosis wasn't really what I meant, poor English by me. I just want to be included, to have an idea what is going on. I haven't actually been able to hear any information from a doctor. I don't know exactly where the cancer was, he collapsed with a bleed after the shunt was fitted and said it was an ulcer, where was the ulcer and has it healed. All questions that need answers for the dreaded insurance  I don't care whether we go or not, but it seems that  it  is his aim, I just don't know what we are up against, he has refused the 6 months of chemotherapy offered, what am I to think, expect or tell people. Rant over, thanks for listening 

Posted by

Hi ,

I'm sorry to hear what you're both going through. I'm sure Steve is right, that he's trying to protect you and perhaps he's protecting himself too; it may be that he doesn't want to know. It's difficult for you, but if your partner has refused chemotherapy, he has made a choice and might be concerned that if you knew more you might try to persuade him to change his mind. You could try phoning his specialist nurse but it might raise more questions than it answers. 

Thinking of you,

If you find dust in my house, write your name in it. When the signatures overlap I'll get the polish. 

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Needing friends
Posted by

Thank you loobulou. I think you are right, I tried phoning the pancreatic nurses but of course because of patient confidentiality they could not give me information. They did say they were shocked at the difference in him from before the operation and afterwards. They couldn't believe the anger he was showing. I think that he felt let down because they told him they would be looking after him, but obviously it was the nurses on HDU and the surgical wards that took care of him. I had told him this but he said no, they said they'd look after him. That was November, he recovered well but I feel we are a ticking time bomb because of his refusing chemo. Mood wise he has improved, but very stubborn