Carers only

Looking after a loved one with cancer? This is a safe and supportive place to share your worries and emotions. Please remember when posting that this group is for Carers only.

Should I give up work to carefortermunally Ill husband?

Posted by

My husbandhas advanced liver cancer with no further treatment. This was complicated when he had a stroke due to anti cancer drugs leaving him paralysed on  one side.

I have now been off work for 8 months with stress but I am being pestered into making a decision about going back to work.

I have considered asking to work par time but realisticsllycould only manage 3 half days a week andwould havea sitter for him. 

Do to the terminal diagnosis, do you think I should give up work to care full time and claim carer allowance or should I return to work?

Emotions are all over the place and dont really know what to do.

Maureen x

Posted by

Hi Maureen,

Sorry to read you are in this position, it is such a difficult choice and I really have no idea how I would make such a decision in your place. One thought though is what does your partner think as I am sure you will have shared important decisions in the past.

Whatever you decide an important part of the decision is to remember to make some "you time". It might help to talk to a benefits adviser



Posted by

We’re all different but I found work a life saver when my husband had cancer because it was a distraction. I was never more than half an hour away if there was an emergency and I went to see him

in hospital before and after work and at lunchtimes. It probably depends on your job - mine is demanding and long hours but I can set my own timetable to a degree.

Plus - we needed the money. I felt guilty but it would probably have been worse with added stress if I’d given up work and we’d got repossessed or into debt. 

It was difficult, I was worried about being able to do my job as I got promoted the same day he got diagnosed and he pushed me to take the job despite my fears and guilt. He pointed out I could try it and always give up if it got too much.

as I said everyone is different but I found colleagues a huge support and also it was good to have a chunk of my life that wasn’t about cancer. It was somewhere I could be me as well as bring a carer. 

Now I am also grateful to have a job to go to. Of course if you give up this job you can always get another one if you want later on. 

Good luck with your choice. 

Keep the Faith