Mixed emotions

Hamster 27 days ago

2 replies
29 subscribers
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Hi, my 82 year old dad has been diagnosed with cancer which has spread into his brain last week. There are times that i get upset, but most of time i don't him to suffer and be in pain. All his brothers and sisters have died and a couple are still suffering including his indentical twin. I have seen what you disease did to my uncles and I dont want him to be in pain and prolong suffering.

On the other hand my mum is 68 and I know she would potentially struggle on her own, we are not close and my uncle talked about moving her in to live with us when the time happens. Is it wrong of me not to want that, but also know that my brother needs to step up instead. All my life I was the invisible one, the quiet one and I independent from early age.

I couldn't live with my mum, but what do I do if my dad requests it of me. I don't know how to feel at all.

Malengwa 26 days ago

Hi hamster, i am sorry to read about your dad, and you will experience a whole range of emotions, now and also when he passes away.

Its a big decision to take in your mum, its not really up to your uncle to decide that, what does she want? Unless she actually needs looking after constantly she may not want to move from her home ( i am recently widowed and would certainly not want to live with any of my family). She might struggle, yes ( I do), but can you and your uncle and brother support her with visiting etc. 68 is no age and many people live independently fir many years. No you are not wrong to not want her living with you, it could be a 20+ year commitment. I loved my mum to bit but I could never have lived with her.

But unless she has immediate care needs, you really dont need to make that decision now, instead enjoy what time you can with your dad. If your dad says he wants her to live with you, again it isnt really his decision, you can always reassure him that mum will be ok.

Do keep talking, it helps in these difficult days.

Hamster 26 days ago in reply to Malengwa

Thank you for your words. My uncle is in Australia and my brother is in Ireland, ive always been the one they turn to and help with everything. I find that if I spend too much time with my mum I get the feeling of being smothered as growing up my brother was a trouble maker and has been in trouble with the police. I will just keep spending time with my dad and reassuring him that mum will bo ok.

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