Burn out

I’m so sorry about your husband’s death.  Thank you for sharing your experience even though you must be grieving terribly. I don’t want any future memories to be tainted by his behaviour. My partner is like a different person when we go to the hospital, laughing and joking. He’s got a really good friend who phones him daily from Spain, I sit here listening to him talking,  everything’s fabulous no problems at all. I can barely believe it. 

That's so sad and bless your heart.

I had no issues dealing with it during treatment, I just cried in the shower, I understood totally, it's now a year after his treatment and a year NED where he won't do anything the doctor told him to, he drinks alcohol and just demands his tablets whilst glued to his phone all day. Conversation is nul.

I need to find something for me, to deal with this, I made a vow in sickness and in health I'm just struggling right now. 

I know.  Only 2 out of 12 chemo sessions in and I seem to be losing him already.  He is spending probably 18 hours a day sleeping.  The chemo fatigue has arrived with s vengeance.  He's lost interest in all his hobbies.  As I said hes rratible over nothing .

I have a talking therapy appointment on Tuesday, will be interesting to.see what that involves.

That's sounds wonderful let us know how it goes. I don't have the funds for such therapy but believe it could really help you. 

I self referred on the advice of my doctor.  Dont think there is any charge.

Well done.  Today is a bad day.  He is getting skinnier, needs reminding to eat.  Took him for a B12 injection this morning which (apparently) will help towards stopping the weight loss.  Apart from the trip out he has either been asleep or glued to.the loo.  We only have one loo.  Im beginning to feel like a kid in school putting my hand up saying 'please Miss can I go to the toilet?  Its almost as though I have to 'pre book' time for a  bath or stoma bag change.

Sorry for the gripe feeling a bit sorry for.myself at the  moment.

We're allowed to have bad days, when my husband was in treatment he just slept all day until I got him up to eat and off to radiotherapy then back to try and eat, smothered in cream, which he is now grateful for, then back to bed. We worry about every cough lump or bump I've actually made myself ill now.  I force fed him protein drinks to keep the weight up, it was easier for both and let's face it everything was going to taste awful with throat radiotherapy. I know deep down he's grateful I just wish he'd now make more to life than wanting to go up the pub.