Burn out

Hi Iosbound 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

I am Steve, one of the community champions and my expereince of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosaroma.

I think I recognize some of what you are going through, it can feel a bit like a post traumatic stress reaction when we are under a huge load when we just get on with things but then later comes the reaction.

If it might help you could try talking to one of the financial advisors here,either online Ask a Financial Guide or by calling the helpline 0808 808 0000. 

Something I found positive in work was it helped me feel a bit more like I was in control - I knew what would happen and it helped things feel a bit more normal.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Yes I can relate.  All I seem to do at the momenr is ask 'have you taken your pill' 'have you completed your treatment record?'  Have you done ??  If I didn't nothing would happen.  It is almost as though he is not taking any responsibility for his health and just gets annoyed at being reminded!

It's so good to know it's not just me, I try to encourage him, but when he drinks beer that does it for me. I don't have a support network so thinking of going to work in a shop just for some interaction. 

hi i can relate, i have just posted a note but it sounds bad. my hubby was diagnosed with bowel cancer 6 wks ago.  he was working full time and i am retired as seven years older.  he has just had a stoma fitted and is in hospital.  he has always relied on me to sort bills, housework, garden, shopping and cooking even when i was working.  i have been hospitalised several times in the last five yrs and other than taking me to hospital and picking me up everything has stayed the same. he is in hospital at the moment then chemo/rad and op to remove tumor not terminal.  he can move and do things as normal but obviously gets tired.  there is a list of things he wants and want s me to do for when he comes out.  i feel trapped, anxious and irritable every time i c him.  i do understand he will be low he has cancer but i am only human, if it were me i would have to get on with it as he would not change and just go off to work. i feel very resentful but i think this is a build up over the last years, i just dont c a future so i do understand

I feel so bad for you, often the carers are over looked. When you don't have a support network as I don't, he has always been my best friend it makes it harder. If I say I have something wrong he just says welcome to my world. I have to travel a long distance with hotel stays to see a specialist for my own autoimmune conditions (do t know for sure) and really need to but he wants to wait until November when his appointments are due,mainly because he's just come back, and also because of money, I cant travel on my own due to my epilepsy, I'm stuck between taking care of him and taking care of me and taking care of finances. 

It's funny isn't it.  When something like this happens you realise exactly how much you do.  The only thing I don't do is the cooking.  Everything else - finance, cleaning, washing  ironing most of the gardening.   Beforehand occasional help, now none.  No wonder we get so tired.

I know, am sure it doesn't help our own conditions. I do have to cook aswell as its throat cancer he still can't eat properly, and it's really frustrating for him, he gets very angry if he can't eat what I've cooked and then I feel guilty. 

our relationship was difficult b4 all this due to his heavy drinking which would change his mood and he would say awful things.  the ultimatum was me or the drink, he chose me but sadly i feel it was too late the damage was done. and now this.  to be honest i am living a loveless life, he loves me and needs me, the feelings are not mutual but there is nothing i can do.  i now feel like a nurse, carer and general doer, it is a horrible feeling but i cannot tell him as it would break him even more so now.  i feel stuck and very lonely and sad i do know how u feel.  if something happened to me he would struggle.  i have filed everything and marked in case this happens so he knows where everything is, sad

Oh you poor thing and yet youre still there what a good person you are, such a shame you had a difficult relationship before. Somehow we have to find ways to look after ourselves to carry on and may it will change our outlook on life. Don't ask me how though! 

i feel so selfish. i tell him i love him as i know that is what he wants to hear. i dont want him to feel lonely and i wont let him go through that.  i think in his heart he knows how i feel.  the cancer is not fair it should not have happened to him, but that is life it is not selective.  he is a good friend but that is all. it is sad how years and actions can change such a wonderful love we used to have.  i feel like a housekeeper now as i am retired and he is still working, well once the cancer is under control. i feel an obligation to take care of him as there is nothing much else in my life