My mom went into the hospice on Wednesday and there were two good days. It was lovely to hear she was eating jelly & ice cream, toasted sandwiches etc. Yesterday mom took a turn for the worst again, she’s hallucinating again, angry, aggressive & they moved my mom’s room in the night so she was nearer the nurses station which caused her to be even more confused & more angry. She phoned my aunt last night so scared, shouting that she wants to go home & that she’s in pain. My aunt phoned me panicked. I frantically tried to call the hospice to ask what we could do, there was no answer & obviously they’ve got other patients to look after too.
Long story short, after they said they were trying to calm her & give pain relief & I got off the phone, I had this dull pain in my left arm, my heart was racing, I haven’t been able to sleep majority of the night worrying about my mom, I’m in a constant state of anxiety & I’m trying to use sleep stories on the Calm app, I’ve tried watching soothing movies anything to bring my anxiety & worry to a normal level. My stomach also isn’t great. My friends must be sick of me as I’m just oozing stress every time they contact me or I contact them. I’m 46 so perimenopause might also be contributing but I’m worried my body/mind won’t make it through this. It’s too hard. I’m due to visit today & I know it sounds awful but I don’t want to experience it. I want to remember my mom for how she was but I can’t leave her on her own. I’m just anxious, so anxious.
