Disabled and Struggling

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Hello everyone, this is my first time on here, and the last month has not been great.

We took my husband into hospital thinking he had a chest infection, turned out to be stage 4 kidney scanner thats spread to his lungs and potentially to some muscles by his spine.

We have our first appointment with Oncology on Tuesday to discuss treatments and what not.

And so far, my husband has been handling it way better than me. He's talking about going sky diving while I'm internally screaming and trying to keep the house together.

I don't mind dotting on my husband, I'm happy to do anything and everything to keep him comfortable- but its the rest of it that I'm struggling with at the moment.

Like I've got the energy to cook- but not to wash the dishes or put them away. I can put the washing machine on- but hanging it up is a challenge when the brain fog sets in and all i wonna do is curl up beside him in bed.

We do have adult kids at home. And they do help out- but we are a neuro-spicy household with autism and ADHD in play- so getting them to do things in a timely fashion can be challenging.

Does anyone have any tips and tricks on how i could manage the house? Cause we haven't even started treatment yet and I'm already staring at the laundry basket like it might bite.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

src60 22 days ago

Hi CraftyCritter

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

I am Steve, one of the community champions and my experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma. We also have a son now 22 with autism.

That time between diagnosis and treatment is often seen as one of the most dificult times so fingers crossed once he gets to tratment things might get a bit more orderly.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Sierraoscar 22 days ago

Hi CraftyCritter,

My husband presented to A&E with a chest infection after failing to secure a GP appointment. The chest infection was masking something else too.

I know nothing of kidney cancer or how poorly one might feel so can only send hugs.

Brain fog is a totally normal way of coping. When I get overwhelmed it's like a heavy fug hits my head so I can't think for a bit. We are doing this 2nd time around so have a lot of good communication and are able to talk about the dark stuff. But the 1st consult and oncology hit hard.

We are lucky that both of our employers like us and we can get to all appointments.

We try to focus on things we can control. Health, weight, diet. Future planning and coping strategies.

Oncology will give you facts. They will suggest the best treatment plan. They will also tell you all the worst case side effects. It may scare you silly. But they tell you all the bad stuff because they have to. It doesn't mean it will all happen to your man.

My husband had bowel cancer successfully treated at the time in 2013. It's taken 13 years to come back in the lung.

And laundry really isn't that big a deal. Nobody will judge you for a cobweb in a corner or dust on a shelf. Love the neuro-spicy. If it doesn't bother them, don't let it bother you.

Accept the chaos if you can .

Support will come from unlikely places.

Miranda t 20 days ago

Worry can really wear you out. And the uncertainty of what’s to come. I think most of us who are caring for a close family member feel like you do quite a bit of the time. Work out what is essential housework to get done & do your best, don’t bother about anything that’s non-essential (unless it’s something you find relaxing to do). My husband gets higher-rate Attendance Allowance now & I use some of that to pay for a cleaner for 2 hours a week. It made me feel lazy at first, but it’s great knowing that stuff will get done regardless of my energy levels.

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