Hi,
I’m new here but trying to support my Dad who has stage 2 bladder cancer. Sorry for the long message but I really hope it’s ok if I give some history and ask if anyone has been in a similar situation and have any words of wisdom or experience that might help.
After lots of investigations and looking at surgical options his consultants have decided it’s not treatable and he isn’t having any medical interventions or treatment. They did mention possibly palliative radiotherapy but haven’t brought that up again and I feel like they’ve washed their hands of us a bit.
He’s probably had the cancer over 12 months now since first diagnosed but has few symptoms other than tiredness. He’s recently started bleeding and passing clots and has been to A&E a couple of times where they flush him through with an IV and catheter but then is discharged and it starts again a week or 2 later. Going to A&E each time and waiting for hours exhausts him but seems to be the only way to access help.
I don’t know where to go for help or what to do or how best to support him. We haven’t asked for a prognosis on how much time he might have left and he really doesn’t want to know but I feel like I need to plan for what we might be looking at. It sounds cold but my coping mechanism is to try and be analytical, factual etc in my own mind otherwise I feel like I’m going to go to pieces and be no help to anyone. With Dad we both talk about symptoms and how to help but not really anything else about his illness and we tiptoe around the elephant in the room that he might not have long left. I also have children and work so lots to juggle. He’s in his 80’s and otherwise in reasonable health.
I guess I’m just asking if anyone has similar experiences, has anything worked that helps mentally or physically and if this is a stage that might go on for some time/anything we should look out for if it worsens? The drs don’t seem overly concerned about the blood or clots as long as he can still go to the toilet. I’m also going to call his nurses tomorrow but don’t really know what to ask for.
Hi Sunnis
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
Sorry to hear about your dad but no worries about your post on here. My wife's cancer is very different and when she was diagnosed she was clear she did not want to be given a prognosis and I really struggled with that especially as our son was quite young at the time. He is now 22 and she is in really quite good health - her cancer is stable and we just get on with life.
Something I misunderstood when I started on a cancer journey was the meaning of paliative - this is explained fairly well here so that might be something worth following up on
Something I found quite helpful was looking at your emotions when someone has cancer as being able to recognize these emotions and accept them as normal and valid helped me feel less overwhelmed.
<<hugs>>
Steve.
