My dad's been diagnosed with stage 3 Esophageal cancer, and he's recently had his second round of chemo, there is also talk of surgery ect.
Seeing him lose weight is probably the hardest physical thing I see with him (he's always been a pretty big guy) and I'd say mentally he hides a lot of how he feels but I can hear the sadness and worry in his tone. He's often frustrated, he hasen't been directly with me but towards his partner and my brother, he snaps, but apologizes.
I think what confused me most is that he maintains a pretty positive mind set, this man has gone from smoking like 40 a day and drinking a lot of beer, working and going home, not eating the best for a lot of years to someone who doesn't drink anymore and is actively trying to quit smoking, he's also borderline obsessed with walking now, like over 10,000 steps per day, it landed him in hospital not long ago as it hurt his back but he just carried on. He's not working anymore, because he's not really able while getting chemo and I think it's his way of keeping himself busy whilst also trying to improve his health ready for surgery, but I do worry he's over doing himself.
His overly "positive" attitude and changes, unsettle me, they confuse me and ultimately make me feel guilty for struggling with it, I don't go a single day without it being there and the idea it's my new normal, I get sad, I get angry, I get tired from the emotions.
