Hi,
Would love to hear from others with terminally ill partners cos I just can’t keep going. My hibby was diagnosed with metastasised renal cancer with sarcomatoid features 2 1/2 years ago. He had a nephrectomy, immunotherapy, radiotherapy, then went onto chemo/cancer blockers 18 months ago after the immunotherapy stopped working. Now the second line meds have stopped working, he’s been in hospital for a week with excruciating pain - the cancer is in his bones and all along his spine, he has a fractured vertebra that aggravates the nerves and pleural effusion.
To me, all of this sounds and looks very bad. But at the meeting with his oncologist, he was as eager about the next line of treatment as if it was his first. He is hoping he can get another 15 months out of it to see our eldest finish school and our youngest his GCSEs. The oncologist told him he thinks he doesn’t have even 10 months but my hubby doesn’t believe him. He’s been into what I see as woowoo - the idea that you can heal yourself from Stage 4 cancer. I can’t live in the dual reality of his body breaking down = needing my help in day-to-day living, and his denial that he is dying. I just haven’t got the strength to do another 15 months of this, nor do the kids.
Who has experience of broaching this with their loved ones? I’ve tried before, and he crashed into the bleakest of depressed moods I have seen him in. I feel trapped in a Catch-22 and often wish this would finally end, although I am also so sad about him dying. I have tried to get palliative care to be more involved but they take their cue from him. How do I find someone who can help him accept what is happening?
At my wits’ and heart’s end, thanks for any thoughts.
