Feeling overwhelmed and a complete shell

I am sorry about the circumstances you are enduring and all the negative emotions associated with your situation. I'm sorry that I am unable to offer any practical advice. I just wanted you to know you are not on your own, please keep reaching out and maybe the clouds may lift. Xx 

You’ve had a lot to deal with, so it’s no wonder you feel overwhelmed. My worst time was when my husband was recovering from major surgery: he was doing well but I was in a state! I think now that it was the strain of holding everything together before & after the surgery, I felt like I was suffering from mild PTSD. I thought only extreme trauma victims could get it, until  I spoke to a friend who had gone through a similar experience. I started seeing a counsellor, which helped me enormously. My husband’s cancer has now spread and, although it’s tough, with the help of my monthly sessions (plus support from carers and family), I know I can do this. Look after yourself and do talk to someone (outside your immediate family, if possible) about your feelings.

I can completely relate. I just decided to join this forum as I am having a day of overwhelm and the first post I saw was yours which really resonates with how I feel. We are a little earlier in the process. My husband has base of tongue cancer and has had three rounds of induction chemo (which put him in hospital with sepsis, kidney injury and blood clots) and he’s now on week 2 of chemoradiotherapy and I am scared about what lies ahead (given that his CNS keeps telling us that this is the brutal bit). Our daughter has autism and a severe learning disability (she is an adult but still lives with us and has to come to every appointment as she can’t be alone). 

I’m afraid I’m not full of words of wisdom but I just wanted to say that I understand the additional burden of trying to support neurodivergent children through a very turbulent time - it feels as though there is just not enough of you to go around and all the usually strategies to support at home like calendars become obsolete because of how quickly things change. I too feel completely consumed by the process and find it just highlights the constant fear I have about what my daughter will do when we are no longer here. 

I really hope the scan is positive in Dec so that you can start to find yourself again.

I've just joined the forum and this is the first post I've read. I can't offer any practical support, but I can tell you, you're not alone (2 ND children, husband terminal and probably in the last stages and heading into menopause). I don't/can't work much at the moment, so I can't imagine the effort it takes to juggle that as well. I struggle with keeping on top of the house stuff, I spend so much time just having to be strong and supporting others, the fighting the usual battles to get education and MH support for the kids, medical appts, predicting/ organizing medications and deliveries...

I've put on weight. I no longer care what I look like or what people think of me (though some of that might be the Gen x in me). I've forgotten how to relax. And I find it more and more difficult not to say or do something inappropriate when yet another person tells me "you need to look after yourself so you can look after others" or "make time for yourself, even if it's only five minutes". Hmm, what will I probably be doing during that give minutes instead? Changing a commode liner? Giving a scared child a hug? Swapping oxygen tanks over? Phoning yet another professional who's failed to deliver on their promises?

Sorry. I didn't mean to rant, but you are NOT alone, you're NOT the only one whose lost themselves in this whole messy, tragic, scary, unbearable situation, but I bet you'll keep fighting and lurching from crisis to crisis, taking everything an hour, or even a minute, at a time, and carrying on, even if it's only through sheer stubbornness.

We're the ones who are there for our families, but I think we need to work out a way we can be better at being there for each other.

Thank you everyone, your kind words and just replying to my message is a comfort: you do feel alone in all this don’t you but it’s clear we aren’t.

i went to the doctors and have been prescribed some medication to help but I also have been encouraged by a friend to seek help from McMillan. I don’t want to just take meds as I know they won’t solve the root of the issue. 

we went to Christie’s this week as my husband had a FU appointment and it literally turned my stomach the trauma of our experiences in that cancer world. Don’t need to go till December now when hubby has his scan and then results in January. Just need to pray for the good news we desperately want