Hello again everyone....
We landed in hospital due to the fast decline and now we have blood transfusions and stronger painkillers, better appetite and better sleep for her fortunately. I myself am not doing so well.
I find that reading through all your posts helps me to not feel so alone. Today we were told that the tumor markers of my mom have spiked and she is on the verge of palliative care. Last few days we managed to have the conversation where she tells me how she wants to be sent off, she said that she isn't scared and she's ready to face what comes including death..... It was very hard for me to have that talk with her but I was the most suitable person for it as I am closest and my family are all going nuts about the situation... Half of them are like ostriches with their head in the sand.... Other half are crying all the time and don't seem to focus in the guilt-fear-fog that we find ourselves in.
Problem is with the news of the tumor markers everything is becoming all to real for mom... She doesn't want to discuss it but she doesn't want to die and I think she is scared and that is killing me. She says she wants to fight, her heart is strong, she is only 49 years old. I don't want her to face this alone. She is in her rightest mind and she is a very intelligent woman and I want to help her in any way possible. Our GP is very supportive and offered consultations with a psychologist but my mom doesn't believe in such things and doesn't want to talk to strangers at this point.
I myself believe in it but now is not the right time for me. I have to be by her side to keep my sanity. When I am not near a sort of panic sets in because I'm afraid not to lose her while not there.
I'm sorry for the rant.... I guess my question is do you have any suggestions about helping her cope with all this terrible information....
Also thank you for being there... I am not from neither in the UK and found this forum a week ago but it has helped me a great deal... So thank you all for being there.
Update: Her relief was short-lived. They keep poking and prodding her, filling fuids in her and now she is very bloated and everything hurts and this godforsaken hospital unfortunately doesn't have any stronger painkillers and I really want to fight someone. Her quality of life is going down by the day and I am very very angry at the situation and the doctors. On top of it a nurse gave her intravenous Ketamine yesterday and as far as I understood she could've killed her because of the too many infusions. I am beside myself....
Hi Rada S
Sorry to hear your mum has taken worse, I remember when my wife was really unwell how difficult it can be and even more so when it seems the hospital might not be giving the best treatment. In the UK I would probably suggest talking to the patient advice and liason service and wonder if their might be something similar where you are.
In terms of your original question I wonder if the first step might be to come to terms with the situation yourself first, it is never easy.
<<hugs>>
Steve
