Husband terminal. Mood Swings. My emotions.

Hi LizzieB38, I completely feel your pain and frustration. My husband was diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma in may and his personality changed almost over night. He has been prescribed olanzapine and is now far more settled. I, like you am struggling to come to terms with everything. I'm just taking this horrible situation one day at a time. I'm thankful for every day that I get to spend with Steve, even though he sleeps most of the time, he's still here with me and I'm doing everything I can to make him feel comfortable  loved and safe. I to feel overwhelmed and sometimes feel like giving up. Steve's made it very clear that he wants to stay at home  and as his last wish, I am 100% going to make that happen.

I understand the feeling of wanting to end things. I don't think it is that we want to die, it is more that we want the pain to end, the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness to end. I have felt that too. The only way I have coped is to pray and to talk to others, and to be kind to myself. I wrote myself a letter, forgiving myself for the feelings of guilt, judgment and for the anger I feel at times. It helps. Getting it down on paper/computer is healing. It gets it out of your head. I am hoping one day, I can look back on it and see how much I have survived. Do you sometimes feel that literally everything that could go wrong, does? Like with your hearing. He can only speak a little and you are struggling to hear him. Its like someone has gone 'how can we make this as difficult and awful as possible'. For me, its hard enough that my husband is going to pass away. But for the time he has left, for us to be apart, it is pure torture. I too, wish you the strength for this journey. Please do reach out if you feel you can't cope, either through here, or there is the Crisis Team (google for number in  your area) or your GP. Don't suffer in silence. xx

Your husband is blessed to have  you. It is so difficult for us to watch our loved one suffer, and more so, when it affects their mental health as well. I am glad that he has become more settled. We can only do what we can do, it is important that you take time for yourself. If I could go back a year, I would tell this to myself. I made the mistake of not looking after myself. xx

I am new to this and one of the first things I read is exactly what I am going through and feeling.  It's so hard but each day I work on getting through the day.  My husband has terminal lung cancer and we have been told we are in the last few months.  The cancer has spread to his brain and liver.  Every day I feel I loose a bit more of him . I am lost,anger  and sad . I don't want him to suffer but ,when the suffering stops he gone . 

I am so sorry you are experiencing this awful prognosis. It is absolutely understandable that you have very mixed emotions. The only way to cope is to do one day at a time. Not always easy. Please look after yourself… if possible, take time to have a coffee with a friend or do something that makes you feel nice. It does actually help, and gives you the energy to carry on. Keep coming on here too. 

I’m so sorry to hear what you are experiencing. Sadly I have been there and  it came to crisis point for me so I needed to arrange for my hubby to go to the hospice. He agreed and it was arranged that they would review his meds and hopefully get on top of the agitation. I initially felt so guilty about him going in but it allowed me to become his wife again instead of his carer. The hospice staff were amazing and so supportive. 
Hopefully you get the support you also need. 
sending love and strength to you x