Lonely

Hi Ang, it’s not selfish to acknowledge how you are feeling and everyone on the forum is going through a similar experience. I also ask repeatedly through the day: “how are you doing”, “do you need anything”, “are you okay”. It’s a way of showing your loved one that you are thinking about them and it also gives them the opportunity of letting you know how they are / what they need. Feeling helpless is a normal feeling, but I bet in reality you are doing lots of little things during the day that make his life more bearable. Make sure you talk about how you are feeling with a friend or family member, or in this forum. Sending a hug.

Your friend / partner is far away both mentally and physically... the one you confide in, go to for comfort and spend most of your time with is not available to discuss your worries (about him) and comfort you. You have many reasons to worry, why would you not be lonely? Your feeling is normal and understandable. It is not selfish. Give yourself a break, be nice to yourself, your feelings will feel misplaced but they are real and normal.

I wish you all the best... please let yourself feel... anger, loneliness - there are a bunch of "misplaced" feelings which come up - my suggestion is dont ignore them, dont bottle them up, you dont have to tell him but let yourself feel them and try and tell someone else... its like a pressure cooker and you need to get them out no matter what they are.

It’s not selfish at all, I think it’s really normal to feel lonely, helpless and isolated in these circumstances, and to also have guilt about these feelings.

So many of us are currently feeling the same thing, including myself.

I continually remind myself that I’m doing the best I can in incredibly difficult circumstances, and that it’s OK that I sometimes don’t know what to do with myself, or feel overwhelmed, or feel sad because the situation is very difficult and pretty much everyone else would struggle with their emotions when seeing someone they love with cancer. 

If there’s anyone else you may be able to offload your worries to, that can be a good thing to do. You can continue to talk through your feelings as you have on this forum as there’ll be other people who can relate to what you’re going through. You can also talk to other family and friends or contact Macmillan’s support line and Maggies who offer listening ears.

I absolutely hate the feeling of powerlessness, knowing I can’t take all of this away for my mum but all we can do is support the best way we know how. We can’t underestimate how much just being there makes a difference, even if we may not always be perfect or ask “are you okay” too many times.

It’s not selfish at all, I think it’s really normal to feel lonely, helpless and isolated in these circumstances, and to also have guilt about these feelings.

So many of us are currently feeling the same thing, including myself.

I continually remind myself that I’m doing the best I can in incredibly difficult circumstances, and that it’s OK that I sometimes don’t know what to do with myself, or feel overwhelmed, or feel sad because the situation is very difficult and pretty much everyone else would struggle with their emotions when seeing someone they love with cancer. 

If there’s anyone else you may be able to offload your worries to, that can be a good thing to do. You can continue to talk through your feelings as you have on this forum as there’ll be other people who can relate to what you’re going through. You can also talk to other family and friends or contact Macmillan’s support line and Maggies who offer listening ears.

I absolutely hate the feeling of powerlessness, knowing I can’t take all of this away for my mum but all we can do is support the best way we know how. We can’t underestimate how much just being there makes a difference, even if we may not always be perfect or ask “are you okay” too many times.

You may have already read this or been directed towards it but this page on Macmillan website seems to cover a lot of the feelings that come up when someone you care about has cancer. It shows how common so many of these emotions are:

 https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/supporting-someone/emotional-support-for-family-and-friends/your-feelings-when-someone-has-cancer 

Thank you . I'm trying to deal with my feelings as they come up but yes u are right it's such an overwhelming situation x 

I feel that 'pressure cooker' feeling for sure ... I have got friends I can talk to but so far I'm stil struggling. Watching my husband deteriorate is so difficult and heart breaking to say the least. I just hope his treatment works and I'm aware he's lucky to not have a dire diagnosis atm as so many others on here do x 

Thank you ... I try to do everything I can , it just don't feel enough most of the time. X