Hi all,
Two months ago my mum go diagnosed with lymphoma, she is undergoing chemotherapy & immunotherapy for 6 cycles. The first month was horrible, I felt burnout, helpless and felt at my lowest.
I am struggling with the role reversal emotionally with looking after my mum, she has always been the strong one and looked after us incredibly and now I want to be the same to her. In all my life I have never seen her cry (other than happy tears at my sisters wedding) but since the start of this cancer journey I have lost count at how many times she has wept and lost it, it absolutely breaks my heart and makes me feel so weak and helpess.
I struggle with the balance between work & looking after her. I am currently living with her and working from home so it feels like I have no break from this world.
Does anyone have any advice on how to encourage and try to look beyond the cancer as currently I feel like it has completed engulfed us and I want mum to be looking forward to, talking about and thinking about things other than cancer. I am struggling to find the balance between pushing her to be independant, go for walks even when she's a little tired and also helping her when its necessary. My sister is very worried about her losing mobility and strength so we are trying for her to be as active as she can manage. Whats the balance?
I also am learning to be as patient as I can be, I find myself often to be frustrated and overwhelmed but later on I feel so guilty about my frustration it just seems to be an awful cycle. Struggling with my own mental health for years some days I can barely take care of myself and some days it is so hard to do the bare minimum but then I feel so guilty for not giving mum 110%.
Feels better to just have put some of these feelings into words
Hi Zosh
Sorry to hear about your mum and of course the impact this had on you both. My experience with cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma - fortunately after two different types of chemotherapy her cancer was rendered stable and with quite a lot of help we found a certain balance in living with cancer - she says it it not bothering me and I am not bothering it.
I am glad you found some comfort in sharing on here, it can be amazing how talking to complete strangers with similar stories can be helpful.
There is quite a common thread on here about carers getting to the point where they recognize they need a bit of "me" time. Often initially people can feel a bit guilty about that but burnout is not only no fun but it unhelpful to the people we love.
Do post on here whenever but remember you too can phone the helpline if you need. One of the positive things i found was the ability to recognize my own need for help.
<<hugs>>
Steve
