Hi this is my first time posting and I would appreciate any help at all
Mum had melanoma removed 4 years ago and everything was well then nearly 11 months ago she became unwell and a CT scan discovered brain and lung metastases and she was given a terminal diagnosis.
she was started on chemo meds at home and was doing really well to the extent that some of the mets had shrunk and doctors were pleased with her progress. however after one of her regular CT scans new mets were found and were not responding to the treatment and continued to spread.
a week before Christmas 2024 we were told there was nothing else they could do and she would deteriorate quickly which was an understatement. The first thing was a left sided weakness then reduced mobility then no mobility
she had stated that she wanted to be at home to die so we respected her wishes and she was at home. Up until a week ago I was giving her personal care, then I could no longer do it myself and she needed assistance of 2 so I admitted that I needed help and I felt like I had failed her.
we were given carers 4 times a day and they are a God send as have district and palliative nurses now less than a month after being told she will deteriorate quickly she is end of life and has been unresponsive for nearly 3 days now. Myself and my dad talk to her all the time she is still at home in a hospital bed.
feel like I have not done enough for her and that I have let her down. my husband is my rock however he has never been in this situation and I feel that I need to speak to someone in the same boat. I also feel very angry about the situation and I am grieving her even though she is still here I am so lost
Hi Kmack and a warm welcome to our community, I hope you find the experience positive and supportive.
I think many of here will be able to relate to your experience and it sounds like you have done a remarkable job including the point where you realized you needed some help - glad the carers were there to support you both.
There are a whole range of feelings people go through as they deal with a loved one with cancer as we can see here, I find that being able to recognize those emotions and accept them as valid can help to make them a little less overwhelming.
We do have quite a good post on coping with anticipatory grief that you might find helpful.
<<hugs>>
Steve
