Support with my emotions while partner has treatment

Hi Sheff82 and a warm welcome to our community.

Your comment about being selfish is very common but at times we all need some help, I know I have had lots in the past and am sure I am likely to need more in the future. My wife has Leiomyosarcoma, she was diagnosed over 10 years ago and had two lots of chemotherapy which finally managed to render her cancer stable - not a cure but living with cancer is perhaps good enough.

We have quite a good guide here on your feelings when someone has cancer and I know I recognize a lot of the things in there as they applied to me. I ended up doing a living with less stress course with Maggies that really helped me, the living in the here and now bit was very helpful in getting me to appreciate what we have rather than spending lots of time worrying over how will I cope if ... 

Do post on here whenever, someone is always listening and remember if it helps you are welcome to ring the helpline too.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thankyou so much for the info and advice Steve. I hope your wife is doing well. My partner as 2 lots of chemo left to do and then hopefully the surgeon can operate in the new year. 

Sending love to you and your wife 

Karl 

Hi, my husband was diagnosed in May. He had four cycles of chemotherapy and then surgery six weeks ago. I worry about everything… alway have. We are both 42 and this came as a complete shock. This journey is a rollercoaster… the way I have been coping is trying to stay busy ..trying to keep a normal routine.  Take each day as it comes! Each stage as it comes! Take time for yourself… even if it’s a long soak in the bath. Remember what you are feeling is completely normal. If you ever need a rant feel free to send me a message. Xx

Hi Jane and thank-you for your reply and positive words. It's definitely been a roller coaster of emotions. I have been getting angry with myself too. I keep thinking and asking why as she got it and not me? She doesn't drink, never smoked. Me on the other hand, smoked for many years( quit a long time ago now), I drink too much and don't have a particularly healthy diet. It's doesn't seem fair that she as to suffer. Always the good ones that get this horrible disease. I hope the operation went well for your husband and that he is back to full health very soon x

I completely understand… my husband diet was a lot better than mine, never smoked and exercised too.  It is unfair but try not to think like that.  It’s something we can’t control. My husband took to chemotherapy well…he managed to continue to work he just had tingling in the hands.  My husband tumour was low therefore he needed Aper surgery. He had surgery on the Monday and was home on the Friday. I worried about things that didn’t happen. Like I worried about how I would cope helping him in the shower etc..but he was able to do most things himself.  Last week we got the analysis of the tumour… hubby had full response to chemotherapy. There was no tumour or signs of cancer just scar tissue… which is great news. It just seems unfair that he got full response but still needed dramatic surgery with a permanent stoma. But we plod on and get used of the new norm. Aslong as hubby by my side moaning. Stay strong x

Hi, I too suffer with depression and anxiety. I completely understand how difficult this journey is and how overwhelming it is. I try to simplify everything so I can cope. 

Hi Jane. Sorry for not replying. I never got a notification that you had sent a message. So happy to hear that tour hubby is cancer free. I said the same to my other half regarding stuff I might have to do for her after her op. We will get through it together. She is worrying if the stoker ends up permanent. Like I told her some people aren't lucky enough to receive a stomer as their cancers have no cure. We have to be grateful for small things. Love to you and the hubby x

Hi Lizzie and thanks for your reply. My depression and anxiety as been really up and down. May I ask is it you or a loved one that as cancer? x

Hi, it’s my husband who has cancer. He’s finished his chemo/radiotherapy and it will be 6-8 weeks for recovery. He’s still on a feeding pump (as it is throat cancer) and he’s very depressed and withdrawn. 

I can imagine he is very withdrawn and depressed. Hope is recovery goes well too. You don't realise how much of a strain cancer is until your up close to it. Never really experienced it close friends or family. So when my fiancee was diagnosed it was total shock. Thank god for routine investigations though otherwise we wouldn't have known she had anything nasty inside. Love and wishes to you and and your hubby