Support with my emotions while partner has treatment

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Hi all. I am looking for chat and advice on how best to handle my emotions. My partner is currently having treatment for rectal cancer. I suffer with depression and anxiety and all this diagnosis and treatment is getting to me. I sound really selfish talking about me. My partner told me to reach out for help and advice 

  • Hi  and a warm welcome to our community.

    Your comment about being selfish is very common but at times we all need some help, I know I have had lots in the past and am sure I am likely to need more in the future. My wife has Leiomyosarcoma, she was diagnosed over 10 years ago and had two lots of chemotherapy which finally managed to render her cancer stable - not a cure but living with cancer is perhaps good enough.

    We have quite a good guide here on your feelings when someone has cancer and I know I recognize a lot of the things in there as they applied to me. I ended up doing a living with less stress course with Maggies that really helped me, the living in the here and now bit was very helpful in getting me to appreciate what we have rather than spending lots of time worrying over how will I cope if ... 

    Do post on here whenever, someone is always listening and remember if it helps you are welcome to ring the helpline too.

    <<hugs>>

    Steve

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thankyou so much for the info and advice Steve. I hope your wife is doing well. My partner as 2 lots of chemo left to do and then hopefully the surgeon can operate in the new year. 

    Sending love to you and your wife 

    Karl 

  • Hi, my husband was diagnosed in May. He had four cycles of chemotherapy and then surgery six weeks ago. I worry about everything… alway have. We are both 42 and this came as a complete shock. This journey is a rollercoaster… the way I have been coping is trying to stay busy ..trying to keep a normal routine.  Take each day as it comes! Each stage as it comes! Take time for yourself… even if it’s a long soak in the bath. Remember what you are feeling is completely normal. If you ever need a rant feel free to send me a message. Xx

  • Hi Jane and thank-you for your reply and positive words. It's definitely been a roller coaster of emotions. I have been getting angry with myself too. I keep thinking and asking why as she got it and not me? She doesn't drink, never smoked. Me on the other hand, smoked for many years( quit a long time ago now), I drink too much and don't have a particularly healthy diet. It's doesn't seem fair that she as to suffer. Always the good ones that get this horrible disease. I hope the operation went well for your husband and that he is back to full health very soon x

  • I completely understand… my husband diet was a lot better than mine, never smoked and exercised too.  It is unfair but try not to think like that.  It’s something we can’t control. My husband took to chemotherapy well…he managed to continue to work he just had tingling in the hands.  My husband tumour was low therefore he needed Aper surgery. He had surgery on the Monday and was home on the Friday. I worried about things that didn’t happen. Like I worried about how I would cope helping him in the shower etc..but he was able to do most things himself.  Last week we got the analysis of the tumour… hubby had full response to chemotherapy. There was no tumour or signs of cancer just scar tissue… which is great news. It just seems unfair that he got full response but still needed dramatic surgery with a permanent stoma. But we plod on and get used of the new norm. Aslong as hubby by my side moaning. Stay strong x