So my partner was diagnosed recently, had two major operations, one planned and the other emergency, as first round of chemo failed.
I’ve been right by their side, everyday. They are very angry and it’s been apparent to all it’s aimed at me as I’m always there.recently I’ve been having massive burn outs, I feel ill as I’m anaemic, I’m autistic and have complex mental health. im such an empath I like to fix every argument, but recently I think boundaries are being overstepped. My partner likes to tell everyone they are going through this physically but I’m mentally going through it but demands so much of me that I broke a couple of weeks ago and went back into a mental health crisis.
recently they’ve said I chose to stay with them through this diagnosis and I need to step up too the mark or leave this all started after I said this morning I’m very tired and feel unwell to shower today meaning myself and them, although I’ve been told by various member of healthcare they are capable I still wash them.they manage to get up, get dressed, cook, go out for meals, yet I feel one day I am exhausted completely they loose their mind at me and say how dare I call myself a carer?
am I not doing enough? I just spent everyday at the hospital, washing them, looking after the pets, walking them and disregarding anytime for myself, as ultimately I would do anything for them, I’m just a little burnt out. Do I need to be doing more? Can I constantly keep up this level of care?
Hi Nobodyknows
Welcome to our community though so sorry to read about what you are going through.
To start at the end of your question - Can you constantly keep up this level of care - well reading the rest of your message I hear you saying almost certainly no - burnout is a very real condition even now recognized by the world health organisation.
If we look at our pages on your feelings when someone has cancer I see how common the sorts of things you talk about are but I would highlight the section on looking after yourself - I hope you think you made a great start by coming here. We sometimes talk of models like "fit your own oxygen mask first" and "can't pour from an empty pot" when we forget to look after ourselves.
Sometimes to we note how people can hurt the ones they love the most, this is often because their own fears are really strong and when it comes to the one they love they feel no need to mask - it is of course sometimes very difficult.
Do post on here whenever, we understand. My wife has had cancer for over 10 years now and I needed a lot of help at times in the past.
<<hugs>>
Steve
