Hi,
I've just joined the group as my partner has been diagnosed with bowel cancer but he has pushed me out totally.
I met him last March and we started dating mid May after a bad break up I experienced which pushed me into being diagnosed with PTSD. In the beginning for the first 2 months my partner would bombard me with I love you's and I will never hurt you and not all men are the same. He even swore on his kids lives to not hurt me as I had told him of my previous breakup and he saw how I couldn't go to places I had been with my ex as it would give me anxiety attacks.
Anyway, 2 months in he started having stomach pains and he started to change, the affection stopped, simple things like a heart felt hug, he came across as if it was neither here nor there if I was with him, he withdrew and stopped involving me in his life and he in mine. He has had chemo but it hasn't stopped the growth, so he is now currently having radio therapy but in these last 2 months he has never taken me to his appointments or asked me to take him (drop him off). Instead he has turned to his mate. He used to tell me that it was him and I against the world but he has been behaving anything but that.
He has explained that he needs to get his head around how the possibity of a stoma bag will affect life short term and long. He asked me if I would be happy if he couldn't have sex anymore. I've tried to be patient and reassure him but at the same time what he has done is hurting me as it seems through his behaviour that he is trying to break us up which is something I don't want, bag or no bag. Then on the other hand, he tells me why does everything have to come back to us breaking up which then makes me think its not something he wants, yet he still continues to live life as if he is single.
I really am at wits end and don't know what to do. If anyone can please offer some solace or experiences it would be appreciated.
Thank you
Hi Em2005
Sorry to hear about what you and your partner are going through. It is not uncommon for cancer to change people in many ways and relationships can be difficult to maintain. Sometimes of course the patient feels that their partner might even be better off without them and it can affect their sense of self-worth meaning they feel that nobody could love them.
If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I know I recognize a lot of what I went through. Sharing on here helped me and I did a living with less stress course that was very helpful. Finding someone to talk to outside of my friends and family was very helpful and I still visit our local Maggies centre when we are at the hospital.
<<hiugs>>
Steve
Hi Steve, thank you for replying.
Any ideas how I can get it through to him that I'm not better off without him and that he does have me who loves him very much?
When we first started dating I was in a mess, he was my rock which is what made me wholeheartedly trust him and love him.
In my eyes we are a team and I really don't have it in my heart to turn my back on him, but I guess nothing I say to him makes any difference. 
Hi Em2005
Sometimes the most important thing is to listen rather than trying to work out what to say. If you feel it might help you it may be worth ringing the helpline here on 0808 808 0000
<<hugs>>
Steve
