Thought I would come on here as I'm on my own trying to deal with everything. My mum got told in Feb that she has 6 months to a year to live as the cancer has spread to around all the organs including one between her lungs. Since being told that it's like my mum gave up. Her pain has got so much worse she been in and out of hospital, but now she is at home where she said she wants be be with nurses going in every couple of days to see how she is doing. She getting a hospital bed at home as she struggles to get off the sofa, she not eating because of the pain and sickness. She just seems to have gone downhill within a week.
I'm really struggling I go round in the day to help, and if she needs me any other time she contacts me as I only live round the corner, I am feeling so guilty that I can't be there full time with her but I have 3 children and have noone to look after them, and then feeling so low where its affected my mental health alot. I hate that I feel like this it's not me that going through it. I hate seeing her in so much pain it literally breaks me. I try and hold off the tears till I'm home and kids are not there. I havent told my younger 2 children how downhill its got, they won't talk about my mum since knowing its terminal they are blocking it out. So I'm trying to keep everything normal as it can be. My youngest has Yr 6 Sat's starting Monday and he struggles at school as it is, he having to do them on his own with me and the teacher there so I don't want him upset etc. But then my Yr 10 son has mock exams starting June and I'm worried incase he is affected by my mum. If she goes while doing his mocks he won't cope going to school never mind sit an exam but then he will worry about his marks, he does have very high anxiety.
I don't know what to do anymore, being in so much pain and sickness where nothing works does this mean she doesn't have long left as all scans and everything is clear they said its the cancer so all they can do is try to ease the pain. I don't whether she has a month, 6 months etc left to live and it's so hard being on my own with the kids and trying to keep everything normal as I can be. I just seem to be in tears all the time, I just wish there was more I can do, I feel so helpless
Hi Stitch 0206 and welcome to our community - hopefully we can help you feel just a bit less alone.
If we look at our pages on your feelings when someone has cancer we can see how common guilt comes out. People coping with ill parents and children too are sometimes referred to as sandwich carers as can be seen here.
One thing we found very helpful with my wife's cancer was keeping our son's school up to date with the treatment as then he got the same answer from all his trusted adults because our world had become one for a new normal. I used to cry in the shower.
It is great that you reached out on here, it was amazing how long it took me to reach out and it can make a real difference. I found the helpline really useful too and have cried at them in the past - they are very helpful and understanding in helping us find our path other just one day at a time.
<<hugs>>
Steve
