Exhausted and guilty

Hi Catcat9023e33d

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis.  

Reading your post really resonated with me. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in April and it hit us like a rock. She’s always been so healthy, so the news came as a huge shock.

I just want to say that you are doing amazingly. The love and care you’re giving your mum really comes through in your words, and it is enough, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I know how exhausting it is trying to be strong all the time. I’ve been trying to support my mum too, and I reached a point where I realised I was completely drained.

For a while, I tried to do it all on my own. I felt guilty asking for help and didn’t want to burden anyone. But I’ve come to understand that I can’t do it all alone, and that’s okay. There are people who care and want to help, and letting them in doesn’t mean you’re failing your mum. Quite the opposite! It means you’re making sure you can keep going for her in the long run.

Do you have a partner or someone close you can lean on? Even just having someone to talk to or take on small things can make a world of difference.  I am very lucky, I have a very supportive husband who looks after me.

Please don’t feel guilty for feeling how you do. You’re human, and you’re carrying a huge emotional load. I went away for a short break recently and felt so guilty for feeling releived that I was away from it all for a while! But looking after yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You matter too and you will be no good to your mum if you burn yourself out! 

You’re not alone in this. Sending you strength and kindness.

Clair x 

Thanks Clair! 

My husband is amazing.  We went through this a few years ago with his dad so we have reversed roles now.   

I know I need to look after myself it's just hard when I feel like I need to be there looking after her.   

I have noticed in myself that I am becoming emotionally drained which is not good for anyone.   Trying to look after myself with all of this going on is really hard. 

Xx

I know, it is so hard.  How old is your mum and what type of cancer does she have?

Hi - I’m in a similar position. Mum had her diagnosis end of July and we’re awaiting next steps. I’m trying my best to stay positive in front of her but the diagnosis is not great. I’m a mum and have a job and trying to balance it all whilst navigating this is exhausting. Feels very lonely at times too. I’ve referred myself for counselling through work as I know I need a bit of extra help. I can’t help mum of if I don’t look after myself. Hope you can access something or someone to support you too. Sending you lots of love xx

I have just started that too to get counselling through work.   Hope things are as ok as they can be with your mum too 

you're not alone

I’m a daughter caring for my mum, who now lives with me. It’s been 2 years and 4 months of appointments, scans, and worry. I’m a single parent, I’m working, and I’m also caring for the three animals Mum brought home. I’ve been signed off by my GP because I can’t do both jobs and still hold myself together, and I am so tired.

I kept saying something wasn’t right with Mum, and then we learned her breast cancer had spread to her brain. We’re now under palliative care. If I’m honest, a lot of the “care” feels like it’s on me as her daughter. I cry behind closed doors and feel guilty for being fed up with this being our life. Mum is hanging on to me, and I try to be strong in front of her, even when all I can say is, “I don’t know.”

If you’re on this rollercoaster too, you’re not alone. Your feelings—fear, anger, guilt, love—are all valid. Hats off to every single one of you showing up every day. The only easy day was yesterday, but we keep going. Hold on to even a little hope. Sending love to you all. xx