Hi All
My father has been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer with less than 18 months life expectancy and for the past 4 months I have been staying with him 3 or 4 nights a week. I am his only child and he has no partner and lives on his own. When I am there, I know I am helpful, cleaning, doing laundry, running errands, making him food and financially supporting where I can even though I have been unemployed myself since December currently receiving no financial support or benefits which is an added stress. However I find I feel quite resentful being there after a couple days, constantly biting my tongue feeling my freedom and peace has been taken away but then feeling guilty when I am back home trying to find moments of joy with friends so I can feel mentally stronger when I next go to see him. All I really want to do is to be able to feel emotionally close with him at this time, making good memories and have rich meaningful conversations and moments of light Humour and positivity so he feels supported and loved amongst all of the extreme pain he is in especially with the little time we have left together. I don’t want to live in regret once he’s gone that I wasn’t the kindest and closest to him that I could have been but I just feel so overwhelmed and at times frustrated, struggling to open up to him and be the emotional support he needs.
I sometimes feel I am doing the best I can at my maximum emotional capacity but equally feel like I am never doing enough and am failing him as a daughter.
Does anyone else relate to this and can offer advice on perhaps me changing my mind set? Also any advice on potential financial and care support as he is due to start chemo next week and I know the journey ahead is a rough one.
Appreciative of this group and thank you. My thoughts are with you all who are also struggling at this time. Feel I just needed to vent to people who understand.
