My husband

Hello. My husband has bowel cancer too. Discovered after a stroke, although he apparently knew that something was wrong but didn’t want to confront it. I understand completely what you say about his moods, and how you are feeling. It’s very hard. I hope you both have a positive outcome. Best wishes.

Thanks Daisy 

I hope your husband receives good news 

So so sorry to hear what you're going through Karen Y.  I expect your husband is terribly upset and scared that the cancer has spread.  Why is it that they seem to take this out of those nearest and dearest to them.  I had the same.  I'm afraid all you can do is grin and bear it.  Know that he isn't really getting at you - it's because you're his closest, best loved, person in his life and he possibly feels he can show how scared and upset he is.  Trouble is that manifests itself in treating you so horribly badly.  I really know just how sad and upsetting it is when all you want to do is to help them through this awful time. You can't understand why they won't support you in this fight.  Try to be strong - accept that he is scared but still loves you.  Keep us up to date with what happens. Many hugs.

Hi Karen Y 

On the positive side being picked up by the screening program is a good thing but treatment can be a real challenge and the ups and downs of treatment and the feeling of it's over but then it isn't can be difficult for everyone.

Looking at your feelings when someone has cancer I know I recognize a lot of what I went through and I recognize the power that talking to others who understand how it feels to be in the carer role can give. 

I ended up doing a living with less stress course and it really helped me. I was probably suffering a lot from anticipatory grief and that was not helping me or Janice. Life of course still likes to throw us the occasional curve ball and the conscious breathing I learnt was great for being able to step back and plan rather that being overwhelmed.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Sorry you're going through this Karen. I can completely relate to what a rollercoaster it is for the spouse of the cancer sufferer - my husband also has bowel cancer, now coping with the difficult news of a recurrence. His mood prior to seeing the consultant last time was awful; after hearing he has some treatment options it was like night and day. Suddenly energised. It is difficult to handle the way he switches on and off, and knowing how to respond. There are so many feelings to cope with. I hope you have some support for yourself. 

I’m sorry that you’re having such a bad time. My husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer about 3 years ago and had surgery to remove his bladder. He really tries hard not to be negative and I know that his more aggressive behaviour stems from his feelings of not being in control. Like you say, I understand it but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I can cope with it all the time. We have good days and bad days and at the moment, having had an all clear 6 months ago only to find from a recent scan that the beast appears to be back, we are having bad days. We just had an argument believe it or not about putting the bins out, all because I was upstairs and couldn’t hear what he was saying about needing some help with it. In ten minutes he will probably be telling me how much he loves  me and how sorry he is that I’m having to put up with him like this, which is sometimes more exhausting! (Especially when he grabs my hand to explain all this when I’m on my way to the loo - at my age that is not a good time to engage me in conversation!)

Thank you for your post. I was feeling very down when I came on to this site but just writing a reply to you has helped put things back into perspective.  

Sorry to hear about your husband. I fully empathise.  My partner is also currently undergoing chemo.  The side effects have been brutal, he’s in pain every day.  It’s also difficult to communicate with him as he just snaps or waves me away with his hand. So I know all about mood swings.  The role of being the carer is utterly thankless and awful, as you’re the one constantly giving support but no-one is there to support you.  Just feel so resentful about the whole cancer thing.  

My husband was diagnosed with liver cancer in Jan. He has been having chemo treatments. He's up and down after the treatments and sometimes very snabby and angry. I feel I can't say or do anything right. I find it very hard, I am lost. He keeps on saying I am dying and according to him I don't have any understanding of the situation. I totally understand what is going on and try to keep calm and help him every way. It is not only him suffering, I am suffering, in fear of losing him and being on my own after 46 years together!! Life just seem to be anbearable sometimes. 

My partner was diagnosed a few months ago with incurable bowel cancer and his demeanour has also changed. He's so much more snappy and hard to deal with when he was a real sweetheart. 

You're not alone and I'm so sorry you're also going through this, I'm finding it so hard to even be around him at the moment and then I feel immense guilt for not wanting to deal with him while he's going through the worst time of his life. 

I feel like this side of things when caring for someone isn't spoken about enough because it's so hard