Anxiety and feeling helpless

I feel so helpless, my mum has anal cancer and just had a stoma done. Since she has had it done she been in and out of hospital with pain. The last time was 2 weeks ago where she was fighting 3 infections and very high temp, throwing up, it got to the point she didn't know who I was, date of birth things like that. She been out of hospital for about 9 days and she seems better. She still is in pain but they are saying she can feel the tumour as it is right near surface. We waiting on answers from oncology to see what the scan results are and where do we go from here. We just received a phone she got to go in tomorrow. Now I'm so scared about what they are going to say, I need to be there for my mum but I'm worried it's more bad news and I will just break down. I suffer from depression and anxiety myself and its at a all time low. I just hate seeing my mum in pain and telling me she won't get through it she just wants to die and I feel so helpless I don't know what I can do to help. I'm the only driver so I'm doing the to and fro to hospital, and trying to see if she is eligible for anything, as we could do with a few things to help her like something to help her get off the toilet. Every time I go home from looking after her I'm in tears and can't bear looking round for rails etc as it makes everything that is happening feel true. I feel dreadful as my mum is coping so much better than me and it should be the other way