Reasonable adjustments at work? Social battery low while supporting husband

Hi Sofia 

I'm sorry to hear about your husbands recurring cancer and how you are feeling, I'm in a similar situation where my husband's cancer as also returned 

I feel the same as you at work where I'm putting on a brave face but feel like telling people to bugger off and I don't feel like cracking on

I haven't asked for flexible working yet but I'm sure the day will come but I did say from the start when my husband was diagnosed again that work will come second and he will always be my priority where appointments, hospital stays and caring for him are concerned and work do understand this but if I had to choose it would be hubby all day long

Why not try WFH when you know you have an appointment that way you can pop out for appointment then carry on working when you get back if possible, 

Jenny

I've found a similar situation really hard. I actively want to be at every appointment and also just don't have the brain power for a full working week right now. I ended up asking for an easier workload (not lighter as such so I can stay busy, but less complex) and am using my AL to take a day a week off so I don't burn out. Work has been okay? Not super supportive but relatively flexible in leaving me to do what I can. I've gone with a mix of telling those I'm close to and leaving the rest in the dark and accepting they probably think I'm just not working hard. The people that matter know. I would definitely suggest asking for whatever makes it easier to get through each week, and explaining that you are doing your best not to burn out and need their help to make adjustments so you don't. If you have a wellbeing team they can be good back up too. 

Could you be signed off work by your doctor? Or do you even want that? I was off work for around 9 weeks and have just nicely gone back.  I was really ‘wobbly’ but it was good to be back to see my colleagues who have been wonderful. When you say that nobody notices your mood, are you getting any support from the people you work with? Personally, I’ve found being his carer/support so hard, I’ve felt quite ill but that’s just because I’m constantly worrying. Personally, I’d take sick leave if you can, you need to look after yourself. 

Aw pants, Sofia S , sorry to hear that.

Yes - social battery when you have to work with (yeuch ) people is a thing, and it can be hugely affected.

Please don't just 'keep going'. Do ask for reasonable adjustments - I did! I asked to speak to my team and others to say that my happy face will last the morning - so speak to me then or not at all. Be honest!

I already work from home (WFH) (sorry, I'm a chronic acronym explainer because I love accessibility), but I asked that any meetings were scheduled for the mornings (when I could cope better), then it left me to do other stuff in the afternoons in my own space.

I recognise the 'wanting to keep busy', but please look after you. This isn't something you can just shrug off because you think it's expected of you at work.

Carer's leave is a thing! Use it. Ask for flexible WFH days, extra breaks, it should all be there as you are a carer (sorry if that's news to you, but I only say it because so many don't realise they are as we're all used to 'doing what we need to do for our loved ones').

There are good things on the website:

Working while caring for someone

Meanwhile... not overreacting! Sometimes you want to walk down the street and stop people and say, "Do you not realise my husband has cancer?", or get a Town Crier to do a message for you. Life refuses to stop whilst this all goes on, so I hope you reframe how you're thinking.

This... is... poo. And you will be up and down, from one minute to the next.

Not overreacting x

Hi Arlandria 

I love your comment about your happy face lasting the morning at work and telling colleagues to talk to you then , I can relate to that 

I've just had a week's holiday and enjoyed every minute being at home and not thought of work at all and although we've been to my husband's treatment this week it's meant I could relax and take my time and not have to worry about anything at work and spending quality time with my husband 

Jenny