Hi, I'm not sure whether I'm here to manage my own anxiety by typing it all out, or for advice. We lost my Dad to a Glioblastoma in 2020. From diagnosis to his passing was just 3 months. Dad was the backbone of the family and carer for my Mum. Since Dad's passing I've taken on the role of caring for Mum (I hadn't realised before how much Dad did for her). She has had a few health issues and although independent in the sense of most of housework is very dependent on me for everything else from financial issues, looking after/walking the dog, shopping going out of the home and anything technical/emails and provide/support much more. I live around the corner but visit daily. I work full time in a demanding job where I sometimes need to travel. I'm a single parent with a son being assessed for neuro divergence, to get through A levels who has over the years had to fend for himself when I'm supporting Mum (his Dad is not supportive). Additionally my partner (who is very supportive) lives 45 minutes away and also is juggling work and caring for his young daughter, so our time together is limited and precious (often just one night a week). I constantly feel guilty and pulled in all directions but need a life too. Mum is lovely but has made it clear she relies on me (she's also very appreciative). Amongst Mum's health issues over the last 6 months after me pushing to see her Dr due to ongoing symptoms and multiple hospital visits, Mum has been diagnosed with recurrent endometrial cancer. After a few weeks of scans and decision making she is due to start chemotherapy and immunotherapy shortly. Rightly so the focus is on Mum and her needs and I'm trying to source support around that (hair care, aids for the home etc), but I have questions around the support Mum will need from me and how I can manage that. I feel selfish asking the question of the specialist nurses, but need to quieten my mind about how I'm going to be able to deal with all of this and manage and keep myself sane. With all the hospital visits recently it's eaten into my work days several times a week and I've had to drop or change my plans accordingly to catch up on work late into the evening whilst recovering from my own health issue quietly. If anyone has anything they can share about the level of care they provided when they don't live with someone going through chemo/immunotherapy that would really help. So sorry if this sounds 'it's about me' it's not intended. Thanks for reading my ramble
Hi Becs W
Wow you are going through such a lot and so many people are depending on you - I totally recognize that because that was where I was when I broke - took a lot for me to ask for help and at that point it was very much about me.
Has your mum had a needs assessment? You might like to ask about a carers assessment at the same time - see here.
For me when I broke my GP signed me off work for a few weeks and that helped me get things more balanced. I did however tend to find work could be something of a comfort blanket because there I felt in control and things were predictable - unlike much of the rest of my life. How effective I was might have been another question and then of course from some people did not always want to add to my burden and so might not always tell me things I should have known.
Given everything you have done with your family I am sure your employer recognizes what a good employee you are, your talk of catching up even after you have done everything else speaks of your work ethic.
Ramble on here whenever, we all recognize how hard this is and somehow together we manage to help each other. People often talk of feeling really lonely where here we know we are among friends who understand.
<<hugs>>
Steve
