New account.
I was a full time carer for my mother for 4 years. She died just before Christmas. Funeral is in 2 days. I was searching for my suit and found a box containing various leaflets and a book I'd been given. Seemed useless now but I read through it. Contained lots of information I wish I'd known, but mostly just brought a wash of bad memories.
My mother used her cancer support group a lot and seemed to find it helpful. I did not think there'd be one for carers. Family members come out of the woodwork to share their support but I find myself wondering where they were when she was alive. Everything they say just feels hollow. I had difficulty relating to people before and is harder than ever now. I thought perhaps talking to people with similar experiences might help like it sometimes did for my mother. Though I doubt I'd be very comforting to talk to or have much to offer in the way of helpful advise.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss and finding out about support belatedly. It's often the same with medical conditions and newborns. Hospitals years ago didn't offer any support, even putting you with mums with healthy kids when your baby is in special care. I've been there. Hope it's changed, improved. It seems we always have to Google everything and search for support when we are at our lowest points.
I'm in two minds about these forums. There may be people at different stages of the same or similar types of cancer who might become anxious, seeing too far ahead, with some of the information we share. Everyone is different and not all outcomes are the same. However, we can be there, listen, offer support, cry, shout, grieve together. No ties, history, usual family stuff, to get in the way. Appreciate not all will have the same family experiences, fallouts etc.
For whatever reasons, many families lose touch, also been there, am there. I've just reached out to strangers, work colleagues, a distanced sister, a distanced brother today and cried like a baby. Sometimes people don't know that you need them, or just want some help. They have all been very supportive today. We lost our little dog yesterday, had to be put to sleep, in the midst of a cancer diagnosis and upcoming life changing operation. She was so supportive, funny, with such unconditional love. It's very raw. Sorry to rant.
The point is, we need to reach out. Don't shut ourselves off. People are generally much kinder than we give them credit for. I laughed with my sister that our dad used to say we only see so and so at weddings, christenings and funerals. It's typical in many cultures, especially in the UK.
Be kind to yourself and you've already offered something to me and others. A shared experience of family relationships, the pain of loss, the lack of support sometimes. We can only share what we know to try and change things and improve things for others. Helping others helps ourselves.
Best wishes 
