Hi, I’m hoping someone may have some advice with something I am finding exhausting to manage.
I am helping to care for my sibling who is under palliative care, they have decided they want to stay at home to be cared for, the difficulty is managing our Dad wanting to visit.
The trouble is Dad doesn’t live locally it’s 2 hours away and he is very elderly so doesn’t drive. So when he visits it can’t be for a couple of hours it’s a whole day with me arranging taxi’s etc.
This is exhausting for my sibling as they feel they have to stay awake and be present the whole time he is there, I have tried explaining this to Dad but he has asked if that is what my sibling has said, but they won’t say that because they don’t want to upset Dad.
I’m stuck in the middle, of course I understand that Dad wants to visit but I can also see the aftermath of it. The last time he visited he was with us for 7 hours but complained it wasn’t long enough.
We can’t put him up overnight as there just isn’t room and he couldn’t cope in a hotel room on his own. I just think if it was a hospital scenario it would be visiting hours only and he would understand that but at home that structure doesn’t apply.
How do I manage this?, I’m so worried as we have to live with decisions that are being made going forwards and I feel responsible for both of them as they are vulnerable for different reasons.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts x
Hi AgathaM
Something that often wears carers down can be visitors so well done for bringing this up.
I wonder if you have had a needs assessment for your sibling and a carers assessment for you? That might help giving you some kind of framework.
Hope you manage to find some kind of balance that works for everyone.
<<hugs>>
Steve
