need practical advice - full time student carer

I hate labels so much. As i mentioned im young, i have disabilities im a full time university student. But i need to use these words because i forget that people can’t understand if they don’t know.

Since my childhood i struggled a lot with my health and my mom became a my full time unpaid carer (i struggle with that label because in my family caring is not a role it’s just what family do- but i digress). without my mom, i wouldnt be here … she saved me. 

I haven’t fully recovered unfortunately I relapse sometimes and go non verbal at times of extreme stress. My mom has been diagnosed with grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Even that phrase scares me while i am typing it. She has strong family history of this cancer. The consultant said her treatment plan is lumpectomy then radiation. 

i am struggling to cope so much as i am so ill myself i love my mother so dearly i cant live without her i love her so much and i care for her i havent been eating well (my mom always feeds me) , my mom cant sleep bevause she is thinking all night. I love her so much and i feel so selfish but literally im scared that i wont be able to care for her like she cares for me. Ontop of that my mom doesnt speak english so i am responsible for translating everything, finding out what her rights are as a patient and also balancing my own emotions on top because it’s hard translating to your mom that she has cancer… (without crying then not being able to translate anymore , going non verbal, then your mom being even more upset because you are upset and she cries with you- this is what happens by the way). I do all the chasing with emails, phone calls, appointments, patient transport, translating what is happening to my mom, explaining cancer to my mom, reminding staff at every moment that i must translate and my mom can’t go to an appointment alone (i have been told a few times “well she knows her name and date of birth doesnt she?—- i ABSOLUTELY despise how people can dehumanise my mom just because she doesnt speak english, i said she doesnt speak english not that she is stupid… she is a lawyer and just because she doesnt speak english doesnt mean she should be treated like a burden), making sure she is mentally as good as i can make her be, my full time university course, my exams, my disabled brother who has a rare disorder (he doesnt really understand the magnitude of this because of his disorder but he is so kind and even my mom says hes the lovliest boy ever he always cares for my mom and shows his love in his own ways which my mom loves). 

im sorry but im really struggling ive been going non verbal a lot which i know is bad for me. I dont know what to do because LITERALLY my mom’s life depends on me right now and im broken. i know theres support but is there really? No one gives you all the information and u have to ask and ask and ask and ask and advocate for yourself when you yourself don’t know how to describe your emotions. i want someone to give a list of all the things that will help. What i wish is for someone to take off these practical tasks off my shoulder like chasing up stuff for my mom so that i can focus on loving my mom and finishing my education because my mom and i FOUGHT for me to get an education and i want to fulfill her wish to graduate. I love her so dearly.