My father in law is nearing the end of his life. He asked me this morning to put him to sleep. I told him I wished I could but I’m not allowed. How do I cope. I don’t think I can tell his wife (who is also in palliative care for end stage multiple myeloma) or his son my partner. They just won’t deal with it well and then I’ll need to support them too. I just don’t have the strength to support everyone.
Hello Beetle
My name is Steph and I’m part of the Community team here at Macmillan. I hope you’re finding the site to be a safe place of comfort and support.
I’m sorry to hear about everything that you and your family are going through and it's understandable if you're feeling overwhelmed. It can take an enormous amount of strength to support one family member in palliative care and you’re supporting both your father-in-law and mother-in-law. You’re also feeling that you have to be strong for everyone else around you.
Whilst you’re waiting for some support from other Community members, I hope you don’t mind me popping in to offer some ideas of where you might find some professional support.
It sounds particularly difficult that your father-in-law is expressing feelings of wanting to die. Have you considered talking to his GP or palliative care team about this? It’s important that you reach out for further support so they can reassess his needs and support you all.
It sounds like you have an awful lot to cope with right now and it’s important that you have some support too.
I’d suggest you also reach out to your own GP, to talk about how you’re feeling. It might feel difficult to find time to seek support for yourself, but getting help for you can make it a little easier for you to care for others.
I’d also encourage you to talk things through with our Support Line teams, available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat. We're here to listen and offer ongoing support if needed.
I hope this is helpful and that you’ll find the support you need. This will also bump your post so more members will see it. Please know that you're not alone, we're here to support you through this.
Hi Beetle,
Thank you for the reply. Im Dylan and I work with Steph in the Community team. Im sorry that you are in such a difficult situation with your father in law. Its positive to read that you have been able to speak to his GP and a Macmillan nurse, and that you had a session with a counsellor. Its important to keep in mind that you don't have to go through any of this alone. That are always people that would love to connect with you and help you process how you are feeling.
I hope the rest of the counselling sessions are helpful as you unpack things in safe and supportive space. Don't hesitate to get in touch with our Support Line if you need someone to chat with on the phone.
Take care,
Dylan
Best wishes,
Dylan
Macmillan's Online Community Team
