Hi,
My wife has breast cancer and will be starting Chemo on Thursday next week for the next 3 months, then Radio and hormonal treatment. We have two daughters one 6 years and another coming up to 2.
We are both self-employed and thankfully my work can cover the household costs just.
I have been a carer before, though I didn't know it, my wife ended in hospital with post-natal psychiosis with our first. As her exit from hospital drew nearer I had two sessions with a psychiatric nurse which it turns out wasn't for me, to talk about the experience, but to prepare me for the experience of living with my wife post-psychosis, I was told she would need 'support' that she may be 'anxious', she may be 'depressed'.
Over the next 5 years the anxiety and depression were cyclical - this is me in hindsight I didn't see it at the time, her anxiety drove me up the wall, her temper was unbeleivably short about the most ridiculous things, relative to me keep the house running,keeping a job and making sure my wife could re-establish her business and get my oldest off to school. It wore me down, I couldn't see outside of the situation when deep in it. How can you view things objectively when you feel personally attacked and reduced to an idiot that doesn't know the 'rules' of the house that it turns out where established in her head, 10 minutes before.
I put my family first, I left jobs that didn't fit we moved to where my wife wanted to live and I put myself last in the list of priorities and I ended up being very frustrated and resentful. Arguments ensued and we lost our way, but managed to keep it together. This time around I am going:
- be there more and understand what she needs
- Be selfish with my time and wants
-Make best use of that time, go to the gym, journaling, blogging,
-Not spend so much time thinking about trying to resolve her volatile behaviour, which eventually led me to blaming myself that I hadn't done / explained something properly..
- Get proper sleep, looking after two young children, working full time and managing everything in the house - I need sleep and good sleep - I am responsbile to ensure the conditions for are met.
Keep moving onwards, upwards - get through the bad weather knowing that there is always going to be another storm, rest and get up for the next step, hill, storm.
I am thankful to have found this forum.
