My partner received a stage 4 diagnosis for bowel cancer only when I insisted on driving him to A&E in October ‘22, despite his many protestations and massive denial, because he was so very ill. He had a bowel resection early the following day that removed the original tumour entirely, and he recovered very well. But even at that early stage we were told it had already spread to his lungs and any chemotherapy would be palliative, it was a shock for us both especially as the oncologist indicated the size of the tumour represented some 6 years or more of unseen growth. As long as he was asymptomatic, he was advised no need to start chemo, but when a ‘stiff back’ actually showed up as spread to 3 of his vertebra, he’s had chemo and a radiotherapy blast to improve the vertebra. The oncology team have been wonderful, and explained all the side effects to expect and what warning signs to look out for…but when the fever started my partner wouldn’t budge, just like last October…When I finally got him to hospital he was really relieved and grateful for the doctors and nurses, care and treatment, so assuming it’s not a death wish, why does he fight me so very hard when I can clearly see he needs urgent medical treatment? Why does he resent me and pick arguments over everything, big or small. I'm no saint, but I don't deserve this and I can't just ignore him... thought I was coping, but I’m not.
Hi Lights are on but no one at home
So sorry about what you are going through, one thing I always know with my wife is she is really quite unwell when she wants to go to the hospital.
Sometimes I find it helps just to reach out on here, even just typing things out can make us feel a little bit more in control. I wonder if he feels a bit like going to the hospital is giving in too.
For me what helped most was a living with less stress course and the part of that that I feel might relate more in your case is conscious breathing - that old saying of step back and take a deep breath then gather our thoughts. I know it helps me sometimes when the next curveball came knocking.
<<hugs>>
Steve
