Fed up and emotional

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So flaming angry, fed up, want to scream …AND WANT OUR LIFE BACK

hubbys CT scan , after a fit test , is tomorrow , SCARED …but won’t know what’s what for probably around 3 weeks, next week he’s at christis re the DLBCL , the week after he’s at vascular after a long 14 months , forever grateful, and he will more than likely be discharged

And now this FIT TEST with it’s “possible “ bad news SCAN

Im sick to death of one thing after another, my hubby is so low, he’s not sleeping, he won’t talk, every consultant , doctor or nurse he sees, he switches on this bright light …YES IM FINE…..when he absolutely isn’t …I’m losing track of what he is and what he was

I’m scared , my MAN ,for over 50 years, is giving up …I’m not ready to lose him …but don’t know what to do to help him

he won’t go out, he won’t even change his clothes or wash …he just …does nothing …and yet we’ve come a long way over the past 2 years , but done nothing for 2 years …I know he’s depressed but he won’t tell the doctor this ..NO IM FINE …then back to his slump

I’m thinking I need help , because I feel so low myself , I’m being dragged down alongside him , if I tell him how I’m feeling , hoping he’ll open up, he just switches the last 2 years into HIM , about HIS illnesses…I know all about this !!!!

I want him to address this space between the ears

I want him to tell me everything will be ok

sorry for the RANT …again

src60 10 months ago

Hi Punchbag

Feel free to rant away - I think we all understand.

Men - what can anyone do with us - I know I took far too long to reach out for help but sometimes even asking for help can feel frightening.

What we feel as carers - that can suck pretty much too. If we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I know how many boxes I ticked. With a friendly ear however I can put some limits on those feelings - and they they lose some of their power over me.

Scans are often frightening - possible bad news does sort of say possible good news too - still we do not know until it is over and no amount of worry is going to change the result - we have a pet name for this here - scanxiety.

I did a living with less stress course and something that really helped me was learning to live in the day - so everything will be ok today - because that is where we are. Perhaps somewhat easier for me - my wife was diagnosed over 10 years ago and - for now at least her cancer is stable.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Punchbag 10 months ago in reply to src60

Thank Steve , and thank you for the different forums, advice etc…I’ve had a quick look and I’m going to look into it further while hubby is having his scan , I may even go over to the cancer clinic, he’s not a patient there, but they may have some advice for me x

notagain3 8 months ago

Hello, I have just stumbled on your post, whilst searching for posts about feeling fed up, I am sorry to hear you are going through all this. I hope things easier now for you. I searched because I have nobody to talk to, I have friends and family but feel like I cant tell anybody how I really feel. I too feel like being dragged down, and low. My husband has terminal Aml we are a year in and my husband is a fighter but your post resonates with me as its all oh I am ok doing good etc at clinics but at home it feels really different. Sorry hijacking your post, I just feel less alone reading your post and do hope you are ok.

Punchbag 8 months ago in reply to notagain3

So sorry you’re going through this too …it’s a lonely place to be , especially when their mood swings switch to mr nice guy ..I actually feel really angry when mine does this , I feel like I’m just the punchbag and everybody else sees this lovely man apart from me and the worse bit is …this lovely man was once MINE …so we carry on, hope for the best and occasionally we see a glimmer of what was once xx

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